


Complementary Counterparts

by Jaywings



Category: Fairly OddParents
Genre: Fairies, Family, Gen, Magic, POV Alternating, POV Female Character, POV Male Character, POV Third Person, Spells & Enchantments, Switching, Wishes, anti-fairies - Freeform, i'll probably add more later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-01-05 03:22:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaywings/pseuds/Jaywings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fairies have won against and oppressed the Anti-Fairies for centuries; far too long, in Anti-Cosmo's opinion. Fed up, he turns to magic from the older times in an attempt to overthrow them. But what should have been a simple spell ends up having more drastic effects than he realized...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Like Father, Like Son

**Author's Note:**

> This was something I started writing almost exactly a year ago. It's been up on ff.net for a while now and I was certain it was here, too, but... apparently not. Anyway, I don't know if this story will ever actually be completed, but I do have a soft spot for it, so I'm uploading it here.

The thick layer of dust coating everything in the library, gathered up due to centuries of disuse, glimmered with a spectral glow in the dim light that leaked in through the tightly-drawn curtains.

At one end of the cavernous room an enormous oak door opened with a creak and a small figure drifted in, thumbing through a leather-bound book clutched in his blue-skinned hands. Upon entering the library he paused and looked up, taking in the room with a slow swivel of his head. His bright green eyes, standing out in sharp contrast to the dark blue of the rest of his body and one of which sported a monocle, narrowed.

"Oh, what a mess this place has become," he said irritably to himself, snapping his book closed. His voice had something similar to a British accent. Only it was slightly high-pitched.

With a pair of black bat-like wings beating furiously on his back he flew over to a crammed bookcase and pushed the book he was carrying into the one empty spot on the bottom shelf. A cloud of dust billowed out and he ducked his head to the side, coughing into his fist. He waved his wand and vanished the dust, then flew up to the top of the bookcase. He ran his fingers across the spines of the books and selected one, taking hold of it by his fingertips and gingerly pulling it out. More dust erupted in his face and he waved it away. He flew up even higher to escape the dust and opened the cover of the new book. He was looking for something. He wasn't sure what, but he'd know it when he found it. As of late he had found it difficult to make time to read. Too much to do, far too much, and—

…Ugh. Half of this page was missing.

"Anti-Wanda's been eating the books again," he said with a sniff, closing the book. He dropped back down until he hovered only a few feet over the ground and slipped back out into the hall with the book under his arm, pulling the oak door closed again.

Then he straightened up and adjusted his monocle before loudly calling, "FOOP!"

With a blue puff of smoke the square-shaped Anti-Fairy baby materialized. He was holding two beat-up fairy figurines that looked like they had recently been put through a duel to the death with each other.

"Yes, Father?" Foop drawled, dropping his arms and  _poof!_ ing the figurines away.

Anti-Cosmo jabbed a finger at the library door. "That room is a  _disgrace!_  I gave you the task of keeping the library clean and respectable… and keeping your mother out of it." He displayed the chewed page to his son and closed the book again. "It was  _your_  responsibility!"

"Father, if you don't mind, I'm far too busy for that drivel." Foop's expression hadn't changed.

"Don't take that tone with me, or I'll turn you into a toad!" Anti-Cosmo held up his index finger to the Anti-baby.

"I will just change  _back_ , Father!"

Anti-Cosmo smirked, triumphant. " _You_  don't have control of your shape-shifting yet, or enough magic for it. You're talking nonsense!"

Foop opened his mouth to say something but then closed it again and frowned. "…Touché, Father, touché."

Anti-Cosmo pointed to the library door again. "Now go in there and clean it!"

Foop crossed his arms. "Can't I do that  _later?_ "

Disobedient pest. He would learn to respect his elders and betters… In time, in time.

Anti-Cosmo sighed. "Very well." It wasn't as if a few more hours or even a few more days could harm the library much more, anyway. When the Anti-Fairies had escaped the fairy prisons and returned back here, their true home, they had found the place in near-ruins and completely filthy. Anti-Cosmo just hadn't had the chance to do much about the dreadful state of the library. At least he still had his most prized books locked away in his bedroom, kept perfect and pristine and hidden where neither dust nor grubby Anti-fingers could find them.

Besides, he had pressing matters to attend to. He didn't have time for—hold the phone.

He had turned to float off down the corridor but now he whipped back around and glared at his son suspiciously. "Foop, with what  _exactly_  are you 'far too busy' to clean the library?"

Fear and perhaps guilt passed over the baby's face before he sent the look away again. "Oh, er, things."

Anti-Cosmo floated closer, ready to spring at a moment's notice. "You can't be busy. You are barely three months old."

Foop stiffened in reproach. "Yes, so young, and you would have me clean the library!" His eyes grew bigger, as if he was attempting to appeal to a side of Anti-Cosmo that took pity on cute things. No such side existed.

Besides, this creature wasn't even cute. Now spiders… spiders were cute.

This was getting nowhere. Anti-Cosmo silently declared the conversation over and floated down the corridor in the opposite direction, still clutching his book.

Foop was following him.

"Father, may I ask; what are  _you_  always so busy with?" the baby said.

Ha! As if he would tell the little monster anything. Where had that gotten them last time? Oh, that's right—the entirety of Anti-Fairy World drained of magic. "That does not concern you," he said instead.

Foop changed tactics. "Father, how old are you?"

Odd question. Fairies and Anti-Fairies hardly bothered with their age. They lived forever, so what was the point of counting years?

Although… Anti-Cosmo knew exactly how old he was, of course. But that didn't mean he had to tell his son. "That does not concern you, either."

Foop sped up until the two of them were drifting at the same pace. "Cosmo is the second-youngest fairy in existence. Anti-Fairies are always born some length of time after their fairy counterparts."

Where was this information coming from? Curses, the boy had been doing his research. Anti-Cosmo did not deign to reply.

"You see where I'm going with this, Father," Foop continued. "You're the youngest Anti-Fairy in existence, save for me."

Anti-Cosmo was gripping his black magic wand so tightly that his knuckles were bleached white. "…Yes. That's true."

Foop pressed on. "You're the youngest, but you're the leader and guardian of Anti-Fairy World! Ruler of all you survey—everything the light doesn't touch is yours!" His voice had taken on a tone that sounded like he was talking about himself rather than his father. "So much power and you don't even use it!"

"That's quite enough of that." Anti-Cosmo twisted his head to scowl at his son. "Do I need to take your bottle away again?"

Foop yawned. "Threaten all you want. Mother will just get me a new ba-ba. I mean, bottle."

Spoiled brat.

"One more thing I must ask," Foop said carefully. "How did you, the  _youngest_  Anti-Fairy, become ruler of Anti-Fairy World?" The baby was grinning, baring his little pearly fangs.

Egads, living with this boy was like living with a viper. You never knew when it would strike.

Anti-Cosmo lifted himself higher with a downward stroke of his wings, towering over the Anti-baby. "Listen well,  _Foop_. Get all of those silly ideas out of your head. You'll not be ruling Anti-Fairy World—not now, not ever! It is  _my_  domain, and mine alone! If you try anything to the contrary, I'll send you straight back to Jorgen and you'll end up in Abracatraz!" Ohh, Jorgen would give his left leg to get the Anti-Fairies back in that ghastly prison. Luckily even he did not dare set foot in Anti-Fairy World except for extremely urgent business.

Anti-Cosmo sank back down again. "Perhaps when we rule the universe you can have control over the Earth, or something."

Evidently this conversation had strayed from where Foop had wanted it to go. He threw his bottle to the ground so hard that the plastic cracked. "I don't  _want_  the Earth. The Earth is  _boring!_ "

"Tough tacos! You're lucky I'm considering giving you anything!" Anti-Cosmo retrieved the discarded bottle and tossed it to Foop. "Go find your mother and get her to refill this thing with juice before you leave for Spellementary School. You're nearly out."

Scowling, Foop snatched his bottle back. "I  _loathe_  you."

He disappeared with a little  _pop_.

"The feeling is mutual!" Anti-Cosmo called back. Then he, too,  _poof!_ ed away.


	2. Shattered Glass

The room was dark, and still—and, most of all, quiet. The sky outside was gray with predawn light but with the curtains pulled closed over the window, none of it leaked through. The only sounds were the steady breathing of the young bucktoothed boy sleeping deeply in his bed and the snores coming from a green, plush armchair that hovered in the corner.

There was a  _pop_  and two giggling, floating figures appeared in the room. They both carried gold star-tipped wands that shimmered slightly in the darkness.

"That was the most fun I've had in months!" one of the figures said. She broke out in a fit of giggles again.

"Yeah… yeah, and remember… remember when the guy said… and then the other guy said… and… AND…" the second figure shook with laughter. The first figure embraced him.

"We should go out to dinner more often!" she said. "But… maybe not any more as crazy as that one."

The second figure looked around the room. "Hey, the house isn't destroyed!" he said happily. Indeed, there were no signs of destruction. That was always nice to come home to.

The first figure zipped over to the table standing beside the boy's bed and swiveled the digital alarm clock sitting on it to face her. "Oh, we were gone longer than I thought… it's almost time to wake up Timmy for school. I hope Timmy and Poof didn't stay up too late!"

Her husband flitted over to the floating green armchair. "Mama! Mama, we're back!"

The snoring cut off abruptly. The female fairy that had been fast asleep in the chair opened her emerald-colored eyes. "Oh, Cosmo dear, you're back!" she said, lifting off of the chair. Cradled in her arms was a little purple ball of a sleeping baby. "Little Poof was no trouble at all! He did need a diaper change that took all evening but other than that he was a joy to look after!"

"Thanks for coming, Mama Cosma, especially on such short notice," the pink-haired fairy said. She went to take the baby from the other fairy but Mama Cosma pulled away and handed Poof over to her son instead.

"Of course with a mother like  _you_ , Wanda, it's a wonder he's survived this long!" Mama Cosma continued. " _Honestly_ , the way you—"

"Well, thanks again!" Wanda said quickly. "We'll call you if we need your help looking after Poof again! Bye!" She raised her wand and Mama Cosma and the armchair disappeared. Then she sagged. "Well, that's a relief. At least we didn't need to worry after all."

At that moment the alarm clock buzzed loudly. Wanda flew over to the sleeping child and sang, "Good morning, Timmy!"

Timmy Turner blinked open his eyes and sat up. "What? Oh, you're back. Good, Mama Cosma's a freak."

"Hey, that's my Mama you're talking abou—" Cosmo started to say, but Wanda took Poof from him and prodded him toward the fishbowl sitting on Timmy's bedside table.

"Cosmo, will you go get the mail?" she said.

Cosmo lost his train of thought completely and nodded. "Yeah, okay," he said, and vanished with a wave of his wand.

"How'd your date go?" Timmy asked to make conversation. He climbed sleepily out of bed and headed over to his closet to get dressed.

"It was fun!" Wanda replied. "We—"

"Hey! Hey, look at this!" an excited voice warbled from the fishbowl. Cosmo, as a goldfish, swam out of the castle in the bowl and  _poof!_ ed to the center of the room in his normal fairy form. He brandished a letter clutched in his hand, a wide smile on his face. "Guess what? We're winning Godparents of the Year!"

"What?" Wanda looked up. She had woken Poof and was about to bottle-feed him. With the fairy baby supported in one arm she zipped over to Cosmo and snatched the letter. "Let me see that!"

Timmy, slipping his shirt over his head, went over to Cosmo as well. "What's 'Godparents of the Year'?" he asked.

"Exactly what it sounds like, silly!" Cosmo replied while Wanda scanned the letter. "It means we're the best, most smartest fairy godparents ever! We've never won it before because most of our attempts at godparenting have led to horrible failures but I've wanted to win it all my life! Or for the past five minutes, anyway."

"Cosmo, this just means we've been nominated!" Wanda said, looking up. Unlike Cosmo, she had actually opened the envelope in order to read what the letter actually said. "We haven't  _won_  yet. There are probably plenty of other nominees."

"Oh, well, in that case we'll never win," Cosmo said.

Wanda continued down the page. "It looks like we're invited to a dinner next Thursday where they'll announce the winner!" she said. "It's a formal affair…" She glanced over at her husband. "Do we even have formal clothes anymore?"

"Sure we do!" Cosmo said. "And Poof's only barfed on them a couple of times!"

"Am I coming, too?" Timmy asked with mixed feelings. It was a formal dinner, which would normally bore him to death, but since it was in Fairy World… hey, it had to be at least  _somewhat_ interesting.

Wanda flipped over the letter to look at the back, which turned out to be blank. "It doesn't say anything about godkids. But this entire thing is for fairy godparents! What are the godkids supposed to do?" She suddenly looked irritated.

"Timmy could stay here with Poof!" Cosmo flew over to Timmy, the little bee wings on his back whirring soundlessly. "They can babysit each other!"

"I guess I'd be okay with that," Timmy said. Poof dropped into his arms and he twirled a finger through his little godbrother's lone strand of hair.

"Well, maybe," Wanda fretted, clutching her wand with both hands. "At least it's a week away and we don't have to worry about it just yet. Now, Timmy, you've got to go down and get breakfast and I've got to get Poof off to Spellementary School!"

"Yeah… see you later, Poof," Timmy said, releasing Poof and letting the fairy baby fly back up to Wanda. The two of them vanished in a puff of smoke. "Hey, Cosmo, wanna come downstairs with me? Maybe I can slip you some bacon or something."

Cosmo beamed. "Bacon! Yay!" he cheered, and followed Timmy out of the room.

* * *

It had been a long, difficult day.

Anti-Cosmo blinked rapidly as he left his dark study and emerged into the somewhat less-dim dining hall. The great fire that was always roaring in the grate snapped greedily at the logs that had been fed to it. It made the dining hall the brightest room in the castle. He sat down at his usual place at the head of the table and conjured a piping-hot cup of tea from thin air, delicately taking a sip. Ahhh… yes. That hit the spot. He sighed. Spending hours sitting in a dark study, making sure the Anti-Fairies' magic didn't lose control or become unbalanced, doing your best to fill out endless paperwork that would  _hopefully_  keep your fellow Anti-Fairies out of Abracatraz Prison for a few more days… it would be enough to make  _anyone_  a tad bit parched.

He took another sip of tea and conjured up a scone to go with it. They were quite scrumptious.

A sudden puff of blue smoke announced the arrival of Anti-Wanda. She hovered over the long table, looking panic-stricken. "I can't find l'il Foopie! I can't find him anywheres!" she said. Anti-Cosmo couldn't be sure whether she was actually talking to him because at that moment she spotted him and darted over, flinging her arms around him in a hug. "Hi!"

Her embrace knocked Anti-Cosmo's hand and caused him to spill the hot tea all down his front. He sucked in a hissing breath through his teeth and waved his wand, disappearing from that spot and reappearing a few feet away. "Good day, my dear," he said wearily, drying his jacket with magic.

His wife burst into tears. "'S not day anymore, 's night! I ain't seen you all day! And l'il Foopie should be back from school by now but he's not! He's missing!"

Guilt stirred in Anti-Cosmo and he lowered his wand. He did so hate to see her upset. He flew back over, gently taking her hand. "My dear Anti-Wanda, if you keep referring to him by the name 'Foopie,' it's no surprise to me that he's run off."

Anti-Wanda snatched her hand away. "Quit talkin' all fancy-like!"

"Er… sorry." Anti-Cosmo adjusted his monocle awkwardly. "I'll help you look for Foop, shall I?"

His wife brightened up considerably. "Nah, you've got too much work to do! I'll find the l'il nipper!" She squeezed Anti-Cosmo in a hug again, so hard that he feared one of his ribs might crack. "Aw, I love both of y'all! Sooo muuuuch!" And then she was gone again.

Anti-Cosmo smoothed down his jacket. "Yes. Quite."

He flew back down to the table, cleared away the teacup and the remnants of the scone, and _poof!_ ed up the book he had taken from the library that morning. He sat back down and opened it.

The book was old, terribly old. It smelled of dust and mildew and the writing in it was an older language that proved difficult to decipher, even for him. His heart skipped a beat. This must be one of the old dark magic books. The fairies had banned them… thousands of years ago… how was it that he had managed to retain a copy of one? He must have hidden it away... Clever of him. Perhaps the book would be useful.

The book was all about spells. Strange, he had nearly forgotten that fairies and Anti-Fairies had used spells long ago. Nowadays, thanks to the Big Wands, all they needed to do was think of what they wanted and, with a twitch of the wand, it happened. The one repercussion to this was that the little wands had to retain a connection to the Big Wand. They received all their magic from it and so had a limited supply.

There was a little  _pop_  that Anti-Cosmo ignored.

"Father," a voice said.

Anti-Cosmo tapped his chin with his own black wand, the implications of this discovery, the spells in this book, racing through his mind. Might one be able to relearn the old spells? Perhaps even to the point where a wand was not required anymore? Oh, the possibilities, the  _possibilities!_  He would be unstoppable, he would be…

"Father!"

Irritably, Anti-Cosmo looked up. "Yes?"

Foop was floating over the table. "Father, I—"

"Foop!" Anti-Cosmo suddenly realized who had been trying to get his attention. " _There_ you are. Your mother has been going out of her mind with worry looking for you. Next time you plan to stay out longer than usual, tell her!" He focused back on his book. "Leave me, now, I have much work to do."

" _Father!_ " Foop shouted.

"Yes? What is it?" Anti-Cosmo looked up again, quickly losing his patience.

Foop sighed, glaring down at the table. "I've been expelled."

"What's this? Expelled?" Anti-Cosmo rose into the air. "From Spellementary School?" The spell book was quite suddenly forgotten.

"Yes!" Foop crossed his arms, his face puckered in a pout.

"What for?" Anti-Cosmo was flabbergasted. Never before had he heard of someone being  _expelled_ from the school.

Foop furrowed his brow. "There was an ordinance passed by the  _Fairy Council_  saying that Anti-Fairies couldn't be taught in fairy schools any longer. Why didn't  _you_  know of this?"

The words rang through the air but Anti-Cosmo had trouble registering them. He dropped onto the table and spread his arms in disbelieving fury. "You were  _kicked out_  of that school… for being an _Anti-Fairy?_ "

"I thought it might be some mistake, but—"

"A mistake?" Anti-Cosmo snapped his head up to look at Foop. "Oh  _no_ , the Supreme Fairy Council does not  _make_ mistakes. This was intentional, an insult directed at us and us alone. Spellementary School is not purely for  _fairies_ , it's for magical creatures of every type! They have no right to ban you from it!"

Foop shrugged. "If it's all the same to you, Father, I never liked that school much anyway."

Anti-Cosmo lifted into the air again and crossed his arms. "This is not about  _you_ , child, this is about fairies and their centuries of oppression toward us!" He raised his wand, which sparked. "Go find your mother immediately!" He sent Foop away in a puff of smoke and  _poof!_ ed back to his spot at the table, fuming.

_Fairies_. Oh, how he hated them. He and the other Anti-Fairies prided themselves in being the foulest, most evil, feared creatures in the universe. But the atrocities committed against them by the fairies, who were supposed to be "kind" and "fair" and the embodiment of goodness… it made him sick.

Anti-Cosmo raised his wand once more and vanished from the room.

* * *

It was impossible to simply  _poof!_  to Spellementary School due to the magical defenses set up around the place. It had been that way for thousands of years. However, the school was accessible from every magical realm, even Anti-Fairy World (Despite the fact that, if Foop was to be believed, Anti-Fairies had recently been denied entrance). Most creatures reached the school by car, planes, jets, Pegasi, et cetera. Anti-Cosmo decided not to bother with any of that and anti- _poof!_ ed as close as he could get, then flew the rest of the way under his own power.

He bobbed up and down in the air outside the wooden doors of the school before pushing his way inside. Although it was still lit up inside, the hallways were empty. Well, of course. The school day was over. But surely there must be teachers and instructors here still? Anti-Cosmo flew down the hall, glancing into dark rooms as he passed but seeing no one. At last he came to a classroom that still had lights on and hovered outside.

"Oh, hello!" the creature at the desk said, looking up.

Anti-Cosmo took that as an invitation and floated into the room, regarding the creature that had addressed him. It was… difficult to tell what she was. She was floating behind her desk but from what he could see, she didn't have wings. She also carried a wand that lacked a star tip… and she didn't dress much like a fairy, either. Odd.

"Anti-Cosmo!" the woman realized, sounding startled. "Why… to what do I owe the… pleasure?"

"Oh, the pleasure is all  _mine_ ," Anti-Cosmo said, although anyone could tell he didn't mean it. "Mrs. Powers, I presume?"

"Yes, that's me," the woman replied. She had an airy, cheery voice that kind of got on Anti-Cosmo's nerves. He had apparently interrupted her while she was sorting through a stack of papers that sparkled as if they were sprinkled with fairy dust. She picked up some sort of silver briefcase from the floor and dropped the papers into it, sending up a cloud of purple dust. "I'm afraid I don't have much time for a chat right now, I have to—"

"I won't stay long. I only came because my son Foop was in your class," Anti-Cosmo broke in. _Was_. Past tense. He clasped his hands behind his back and waited for the teacher's response.

Mrs. Powers suddenly seemed very interested in the clasps on her briefcase. "Yes, Foop… A very bright child… He caused a lot of trouble, but when he wasn't injuring other students or destroying school property he was a joy to teach. It's an absolute shame he's been suspended."

Suspended? Anti-Cosmo drifted closer. "My son told me he'd been  _expelled_."

Mrs. Powers immediately took on her light, airy, happy demeanor once more. "Oh, that's not true! He's been suspended due to his poor behavior. We haven't decided how long his suspension will last but it might be quite a while. Now excuse me, I have to go." She picked up her briefcase and started floating toward the door.

"Not just yet!" Anti-Cosmo said. The star tip of his wand sparkled and the classroom door swung closed.  _Someone_  was lying here… and he was determined to find out the truth. "Is it not true that your Fairy Council passed an ordinance saying that Anti-Fairies could no longer attend this school?"

Mrs. Powers looked back around at him, her face drained of all color. "How… how did you know—"

And there it was.

Apparently, Foop  _hadn't_  just been making things up again.

"So, this newest injustice was meant to be kept secret?" Anti-Cosmo crossed his arms over his chest. "It's not like the fairies to not want to  _brag_  about something like this."

"I had nothing to do with this!" Mrs. Powers said quickly. "If it were up to me, Foop would stay in this school no matter  _how_  poor his behavior was, but the Fairy Council decided that—"

That was  _enough_.

"The  _Fairy Council!_ " Anti-Cosmo exploded, all thoughts of manners and politeness pushed to the side for the time being. " _Fairy_ Council! For  _fairies!_ What about  _us?_  Should we not have our  _own_ Council? How does the Fairy Council have any jurisdiction whatso _ever_  over Anti-Fairies? I have said it before, but think of our accomplishments!" He listed them off on his fingers. "Spiders! Bats! Pinkeye! Paper cuts! Crazy cow disease! Bad luck! What have fairies created? Nothing—you insect-winged morons steal  _all_  of your ideas and technology from the humans!"

"See here, your behavior is most uncouth—" Mrs. Powers said, her hands on her hips.

Anti-Cosmo pointed straight up at the ceiling. "We will no longer stand for it! We are not lawless criminals to be shoved into a corner and forgotten. We are the force that balances out the power in the universe and  _without_  us the universe would crumble—and it's time the fairies were reminded of it!"

Mrs. Powers stared. "Are you declaring  _war?_ " she gasped. Anti-Cosmo paused and lowered his hand.

"…No," he said, looking at her smugly. "I have something… much  _better_  in mind. I used to think that Foop was being far too hasty with his brash attempt to conquer Fairy World—an act which, need I remind you, was successful although brief—but now I believe he may have had the right idea after all. The days of the fairies being in power are coming to an end, and we will be victorious. This—I—swear!"

He raised his wand, which shone brightly, and as he did every window in the room shattered at once. Mrs. Powers shrieked and covered her face with her briefcase to evade the flying shards of glass.

Anti-Cosmo looked around at the destruction he had caused. "Hm, that created a nice effect. I like it!" He turned back to Mrs. Powers. "I do hope you enjoyed this little 'chat.' Ta-ta!" he said, before flitting out one of the broken windows and into the sky, headed back toward Anti-Fairy World and his own castle.

He had work to do.


	3. Spells

A/N: I'm so sorry this is so late! I'm slow at updates even when I don't have writer's block and you'd be amazed at how bad a case you can get when you've been watching a ton of Doctor Who for two months and have got nothing but Daleks on the brain. I may have to stick an homage or two into this story somewhere now.

* * *

Five minutes left of school left.

Timmy's eyes traced the second hand on its painfully slow journey around the clock face, his entire body limp and his cheek pressed up against the wood of his desk as if it was glued there.

Four minutes left.

"I should just get rid of that clock," Denzel Crocker, Timmy's fairy-obsessed teacher, muttered from the front of the room. He was hunched over with his arms full of a stack of papers. The stack couldn't be  _that_  heavy, but Crocker always said that the sheer spirit-crushing power of all the F's gave it more weight. Maybe that was why he had a hunch in his back.

"It gives you too much hope." Crocker was still glaring at the clock. "…Of course, it gives  _me_  hope, too. All right!" He straightened up. "Before school ends I'm going to pass back the grades on your latest POP QUIZZES!" His face contorted when he said the phrase and he nearly crushed the papers in his hands, but as usual he carried on as if nothing had happened. "Come and get them while I announce your grade and humiliate you in front of the class! Chester! Forty-three percent! F!"

"Whoo-hoo! I got more than a zero this time!" Chester McBadbat, Timmy's best friend, cheered. He hopped up, took his quiz, and sat back down, admiring it.

Timmy glanced at him. "How does Crocker still have a job?" he muttered to no one in particular.

"Uh… he doesn't get paid much?" the green pencil resting on Timmy's desk suggested. Other than the Cosmo-pencil, the desk was bare. Wanda had gone to Spellementary School to pick up Poof.

"Timmy Turner! Fifteen percent! F!" Crocker laughed, displaying Timmy's quiz to the class.

Timmy looked up, stunned. "What! How did I do worse than Chester?!" He hurried to the front of the room, snatched his quiz, and sat back down again. The class was still laughing. Timmy's cheeks burned.

Crocker scowled at the next paper. "A.J., one hundred and twenty percent, A plus," he said. He shoved the more-than-perfect paper at A.J. without looking at him and kept reading.

"Dude, there wasn't even any extra credit," Timmy said to A.J. The child genius grinned.

"There doesn't have to be! Gosh, Timmy, you haven't figured out how to get more points even without extra credit? That's kind of sad."

"He's right, it  _is_  kinda sad," Cosmo said. Timmy stuffed the Cosmo-pencil eraser-down in his pocket, ignoring the muffled protests.

One and a half minutes left.

* * *

Anti-Cosmo appeared in the dining hall of his castle to find that it was as he had left it… except the spellbook he'd been reading was gone. Blast, now he had to waste time looking for it. And he was so excited after his marvelous exit at that school, too! He'd wanted to try to working some of the spells right away.

Now that he was back and he couldn't implement his plan immediately, he took a moment to hover in thought over the table. My, his behavior when dealing with that teacher  _had_ been uncouth. He had absolutely no regrets for blasting out the windows  _or_ for the things he had said, of course. But losing his temper! Tsk. He was better than that. He knew he was.

In the quiet he could hear rattling noises coming from the kitchen and without thinking he drifted closer to the wooden door leading to it. "Anti-Wanda?"

The door swung open. "You're back!" his wife said, hurrying toward him. "You were gone an awful long time. And I found Foop!" She looked overjoyed. "Where'd you go, anyhow?"

"Er, I had a grievance to address," Anti-Cosmo replied, tucking his feet behind him as he floated. "Do you know what happened to the book I was reading?"

"Oh, I put that away!" Anti-Wanda said with a dull-eyed smile.

Anti-Cosmo drooped. That book could be anywhere, now. Perhaps he could scan for it magically. It had taken him ages to find the book in the first place… he raised his wand to anti- _poof!_  to the library.

Before he could, his wife spoke. "Oh, you're leavin' again?" Her voice was downcast.

Anti-Cosmo paused. "Well—"

"We never spend any time together as a  _family!_ " Anti-Wanda said. She was wringing her hands and she wasn't looking at him. "Foop's all upset too. I think he misses you…"

"I doubt that," Anti-Cosmo said. "And I understand, my dim beloved, but I have a plan to conquer all of Fairy World! And I need that book."

"Aww, can't it wait?"

"It cannot!"

Anti-Wanda bowed her head. "All right," she said, and backed away. She looked absolutely miserable.

Well.

He needed to perform the spells right away… but perhaps he didn't need to be so abrupt with her.

"Hold on," he said, putting out a hand to stop his wife from flying away. "Anti-Wanda, my dear. Perhaps you are right, we haven't spent much time together lately. And for that I am deeply sorry. As soon as this is over I will make sure to take a break from working, and the three of us can take a holiday."

"Really?" Anti-Wanda smiled hugely and her eyes lit up with surprised delight. "That's dandy! We could go see a movie! Or take Foop to see those gian' spiders at the park, or go on a picnic! Or go bowlin'!"

Anti-Cosmo smiled. "That sounds good to you?"

In answer, Anti-Wanda threw her arms around him and gave him another tight hug. "Yeah! If ya really mean it!"

Anti-Cosmo, as best he could with Anti-Wanda hugging him, traced one finger over his chest in an x-shape. "Cross my black heart," he said.

"Aw, your heart ain't black." Anti-Wanda let go of him. "'S all blue and gooey. I'll go tell Foop that we's goin' on vacation!" With that she twirled her wand and vanished in a puff of smoke.

Anti-Cosmo anti- _poof!_ ed away as well, reappearing in the library. He found the spellbook rather easily, actually, despite what he had first thought. Mainly because it was the one thing in the room that wasn't covered in dust… and it was just lying at the foot of a bookshelf where Anti-Wanda had presumably placed it for unknown reasons.

Anti-Cosmo picked it up and traced his finger down the book's spine. It seemed to tingle in his fingertips, like the power of the spells contained within the book were nearly leaping from the pages in their excitement to be used after millennia of confinement. He could try performing the spells now. He could get rid of Fairy World. After centuries upon centuries, he could finally put the Anti-Fairies in their rightful place as rulers of the universe…

_Right._

_Now._

But not in here. The buildup of dust was making him cough. He raised his arm and  _poof!_ ed back to the dining hall, hovering over his place at the head of the long table, and placing the book in front of him once again.

He gingerly opened it to the first few pages and studied it once more, devouring the words on the first pages (the words that had not been literally devoured by Anti-Wanda at some point, anyway).

He looked up from the book and stared at a spot on the other side of the hall without really seeing it. "Our magic mostly involves conjuring," he mused, turning his wand around in his fingers and gazing at it. "Conjuring up ideas, thoughts, emotions, feelings, physical objects, people, plagues to destroy all of Fairy World… And switching things! Conjuring things, moving things, switching things. What if we could do more with these?" He raised his wand and the pages turned of their own accord before coming to a stop on a section labeled "Switching Spells."

"Yes, yes, dark magic. The most powerful in the universe!" Anti-Cosmo said greedily. He read through it as thoroughly as he could (the book was old and the language, already difficult to decipher, seemed to be getting even more illegible). As he read, a plan formed in his mind. The book talked about a powerful switching spell.

A switching spell that was so powerful it had the ability to reverse the roles of fairies and Anti-Fairies.

Anti-Cosmo's head spun. This was unbelievably perfect! By using this spell, he could change everything! It would be Anti-Fairies who got the godchildren. Anti-Fairies who were renowned as the most powerful creatures in existence. Anti-Fairies who got the press and the recognition! No longer would they be forced to hid here shamefully with the risk of capture should they set foot outside their own domain! No longer would they have only the shriveled, off-kilter Big Wand that received nothing more than the remnants of unused magic from Fairy World!

He realized that in this train wreck of thoughts he had risen higher and higher and was about to hit his head on the dining hall ceiling. He dropped back into his chair. Should he try the spell now? No sense in waiting… that was all Anti-Fairies had ever done, wait, for hundreds of years, until young Timothy Turner had released them all from their prison…

Yes. He would try the spell now. It was a good time, after his tirade at the Spellementary School. The fairies may suspect that he was up to something, but they would never be expecting a strike like this.

He read and reread the words on the page, turning them over in his mind, letting them fill him from the pointed tips of his ears to his toes. Without realizing it, he began speaking them aloud.

The black star on the end of his wand began to glow with blue light and an icy sensation blossomed in his fingertips, traveling the length of his arm. It was not altogether pleasant. But even if he had wanted to, he didn't think he could stop now. His wand glowed brighter and brighter.

Wait a moment, this spell… it was powerful enough to switch the roles of fairies and Anti-Fairies. It was centuries old. If it was that powerful, and that old, why,  _why_ had these spells not been used before now?

His look melted into one of horror. There was one explanation; the spells may not have been used because perhaps there was something horribly  _wrong_  with them. What if this spell backfired somehow? Who was he to dive into something like this blindly without careful study?

Who was he,  _Cosmo?_

How could he have been so  _stupid?_

He tried to let go of the wand but his hand seemed to be frozen to it. Well, peachy.

Anti-Wanda  _poof!_ ed back into the room, nearly scaring Anti-Cosmo out of his wits. "Look, I found him!" She held out a squirming Foop to her husband, beaming.

Foop stilled and stared at the glowing wand. "Father, what are you  _doing?_ "

The baby noticed the open book on the table and darted forward to grab it, but Anti-Cosmo slammed it shut with his free hand and clutched it close to his chest.

"Flee! Both of you!" he commanded, ushering them away. His eyes were so wide that his monocle was in danger of falling out. His right hand continued to maintain a death grip on his wand.

"What's a matter?" Anti-Wanda cried.

"Just get out of here, Woman!" Anti-Cosmo snapped. Fear made his voice harsh.

An orb of light had appeared and was spiraling around the star at the top of his wand, revolving faster and faster until it looked like a ring.

"Get OUT!" Anti-Cosmo shrieked, his heart pounding in his ears. He thought he heard a little  _pop_ that indicated his wife and son leaving the room, but it was impossible to be positive. Something seemed to explode in his face and a cloud of gray smoke erupted around him.

The small, blue hand of an Anti-Fairy baby emerged through the smoke in front of him. Anti-Cosmo thought Foop was reaching for him… but instead the hand tried to grab the book out of his arms.

And it nearly did. But then the hand, and everything else, disappeared.

 


	4. Magic Goes Awry

It had grown colder over the day, so that when Timmy headed home after school finally let out the sky was overcast and snowflakes drifted down to settle gently on the ground. Timmy kicked up snow with every step down the sidewalk. He didn't pay much mind to it; his attention was instead riveted entirely on the new videogame that had been waiting in his room since yesterday.

As he walked, a pink dog with a purple puppy popped into existence next to him.

"Sorry we're a bit late, sport," Wanda said. "I had some trouble getting Poof out of school. He wouldn't come because, well, apparently Foop's been expelled."

"How come it took so long for them to expel him?" Timmy asked, looking down at her and cracking a smile.

Wanda's doggy features were furrowed with worry. "Mrs. Powers wouldn't tell us  _why_  he'd been expelled. He must have done something  _terrible!_ " She looked around, her expression clearing. "Hey, where's Cosmo?"

Timmy simply jerked his thumb over his shoulder. Wanda turned to see Cosmo, in the form of a bright green dog, furiously digging in a pile of snow.

"I found a gopher!" Cosmo said excitedly when he noticed her looking at him.

Wanda sighed and turned away again. "So anyway, Timmy, how's your paper on Abraham Lincoln coming along?"

Timmy froze. "Paper?"

"Yes, the paper you've been working on for three weeks," Wanda said, her eyes narrowed. "It's due tomorrow." She glanced up to see that Timmy's face was a picture of horrified realization. "…You haven't even started it, have you."

Timmy snapped out of his stupor and quickened his pace. "Ah, I'll do that after I've played Death By Zombies 5 a little."

"Oh! I've heard of that game!" Cosmo chimed in, bounding away from the snow pile to catch up with them. "It has three times as much violence as the other four Death By Zombies combined!"

"Timmy, you know I don't like those kinds of games!" Wanda scolded, with a fretful glance at Poof.

"Relax, Wanda, it's just a game." Timmy brushed off her concerns and turned onto the walkway of the Turner household. He rushed inside, shedding his coat and dropping it on the floor, then dashed upstairs and grabbed his Game Boy from where he had hidden it under his bed. Neither of his parents sent him any word of greeting when he entered the house, or even seemed to notice that he had arrived at all.

Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof appeared in Timmy's room with a little  _pop_. Wanda immediately zipped over to Timmy. "You're supposed to be working on your paper!"

Timmy ignored that and sat on his bed, switching on the game. "Come on, I just got this!" he protested. "I'll play for a while and throw the paper together in like five minutes. Okay? I know  _loads_  about Abraham Lincoln."

Wanda crossed her arms. "Really? So tell me, why was he significant?"

"He was president. Duh," Timmy said with a roll of his eyes.

"That's it? What about the Gettysburg Address? The Emancipation Proclamation? The  _Civil War?_ Any of this ringing a bell?"

"How about Lincoln Logs?" Cosmo put in.

"Poof?" was Poof's addition.

"Yeah, I know about all that. Now hang on, I'm killing the first few zombies!" Timmy leaned forward, tongue poking between his teeth and fingers flying over the game controls.

Wanda scowled. She lifted her wand. And, in a blink, the little game system vanished from Timmy's hands.

"Hey!" Timmy jerked his head up. "Why'd you do that? I didn't wish for that!"

Wanda shrugged and examined her nails, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Whoops, I guess my wand malfunctioned. Looks like I'll have to get that checked."

Timmy jumped off the bed. "That's not—"

"Timmy!" his mom, Mrs. Turner, called from downstairs. "Are you there? We made dinner early and forgot to call you!"

"I want my game back," Timmy said to Wanda with a glare.

Wanda dropped the act, frowning right back at her godson. "Timmy, you have to write this paper! You're  _failing_  the fifth grade!"

Timmy turned to his other godparent. "Cosmo, I wish I had my game back!"

While Wanda drooped in irritated defeat, Cosmo raised his wand with a dubious look on his face. But nothing happened.

"Cosmo, I said I wish my game was back," Timmy said, while Wanda looked at her husband curiously.

"Ah, yeah, uh, hang on." Cosmo shook the wand. It fizzled a bit but other than that nothing remotely magical happened. "Huh? It's cold!"

"What are you doing?" Wanda reached to take the wand from Cosmo but withdrew her hand with a sharp gasp. "It's like ice! No, colder! What have you done?"

"I don't know!" The wand was now leaking dark gray smoke, causing Timmy and the three fairies to stare at it in alarm.

"Let go of it!" Wanda commanded.

Cosmo shook his hand back and forth in an apparent effort to release the wand. "I can't!"

A glowing orb formed next to the wand and spun around the star tip so fast that it blurred and became simply a streak of light. Cosmo blanched and held it as far away from him as he could, a panicked edge to his voice as he said, "WANDA—"

Wanda lunged forward, grabbed the wand despite the fact that the cold burnt her fingers, and tried to yank it out of Cosmo's grasp. It did no good and she jerked away again as though electrified.

Cosmo backed away from the rest of them. "Timmy! You wished for the wrong thing!" he cried, his eyes not leaving the wand. Smoke still poured from it, causing everyone's eyes to water.

"I only wanted my game back!" Timmy said desperately.

From downstairs, his dad yelled this time. "Timmy! Come down and eat the dinner your mother remembered to make for you!"

Timmy ignored him and continued to gape at Cosmo. He took a step forward, but Wanda shot toward him and barreled him over, grabbing Poof as well and pulling him close to her. "DUCK AND COVER!" she yelled. She dove with Timmy and Poof into the corner.

Cosmo, one last time, tried to throw the wand away from himself. "AHH! I don't have any ducks! Or covers!"

He could barely be seen any longer. As Timmy, Wanda, and Poof watched in astonishment, the smoke enveloped him entirely.

There was a flash of light and a sound like an explosion.

Then there was the sound of coughing. It sounded a bit like Cosmo, but… not.

The person obscured by the smoke waved it aside, coughing into his fist. The trio recognized him immediately and they were so stunned that for a moment they sat in shocked silence. Then they screamed.

As soon as the smoke had cleared Anti-Cosmo glanced down at himself and broke into a broad grin. "Aha! I'm alive!" His voice rasped slightly due to the smoke. "Oh, well done, well done indeed, now to see this great new world of—" He was patting the spine of a book tucked under his arm when he caught sight of Timmy, Wanda, and Poof, and cut himself off. "Oh! …It's you."

Wanda moved forward. " _Anti-Cosmo?_ " she said in disbelief.

The Anti-Fairy brushed off his jacket, his bright green eyes, the same color as Cosmo's, darting about the room. "Why yes, hello. Let's see, since you three are here I take it this is… Timmy Turner's bedroom. How in blazes did I end up  _here?_ "

"That's what I'd like to know!" Wanda, looking livid, deposited Poof into Timmy's arms and darted forward to confront the dark fairy. "What are you doing here? What've you done with Cosmo?"

"Er, one moment, Wanda," Anti-Cosmo said, brushing past her and flying to the window. Timmy backed away from him, clutching Poof to his chest. Anti-Cosmo's strange behavior confused him. The Anti-Fairy was acting much more unsure of himself than the suave, genius supervillain Timmy was used to dealing with.

Anti-Cosmo looked around at the world outside the window, is brow furrowed. "Nothing, no change… none whatsoever. Intriguing. Very intriguing." He looked back over at them and smiled slightly, his fangs glinting in the light. "I'll be on my way, then." And with a flick of the wand he disappeared.

"What was  _that_  about?" Timmy said.

"I don't know…" Wanda flitted over to where Cosmo had vanished to be replaced by Anti-Cosmo and flew circles over the area. "Cosmo's disappeared! Where could he have gone?! And why did that… Anti-Fairy show up?"

The sound of clomping footsteps on the stairs snapped them out of their confusion. The two fairies  _poof!_ ed into the forms of goldfish in Timmy's fishbowl just as Mr. Turner burst into the room.

"Your food's gotten cold!" he said, and lowered his voice. "Not that that makes it any more unappetizing than it already is but, uh…"

"I'm coming right down, Dad!" Timmy said. He cast a glance at the fishbowl before starting for the door. Mr. Turner was about to follow but he turned and bent down to look in the fishbowl as well.

"Wait!" he said. "Didn't you use to have three fish?"

Timmy cringed. Great time for his dad to suddenly become observant. "Uh, yeah, he's just… hey, I think I hear Mom calling!"

Mr. Turner jerked back up. "Coming!" he said, running out of the room and back down the hall.

Timmy let out a sigh of relief. "Don't worry, I'm sure Cosmo's fine," he said to the pink-eyed fish in the bowl as he headed out into the hall. "He always is!"

* * *

Anti-Cosmo appeared with a puff of blue smoke in what looked like a grassy field. It wasn't exactly where he had intended to go but after a quick check of his surroundings to make sure the place was clear of humans he decided it was just as good a place as any to try to work out what had happened.

So, the spell hadn't worked. That much was obvious. If it had, the Earth would be overrun with Anti-Fairies by now. All the spell had done was to somehow  _anti-poof!_  him into Turner's room. Any number of things could have gone wrong. Perhaps the spell was faulty, perhaps he simply had not had enough power… no matter. He would find another spell and try again. Luckily he'd managed to keep the book away from Foop. He raised his wand and  _anti-poof!_ ed back to Anti-Fairy World.

Only he didn't end  _up_  in Anti-Fairy World.

He appeared in some sort of intersection full of brightly-colored people. Said brightly-colored people—fairies, they were all fairies—screamed at his sudden appearance and fell over themselves trying to back away from him. He hurriedly raised his wand and  _poof!_ ed back to the field.

"That was odd," he said aloud. He shook his head and tried again.

This time he ended up in what looked to be a restaurant, once again filled with fairies that screamed bloody murder and looked at him as if he was wielding a chainsaw.

He returned to the field as fast as he could, his heart pounding, and held his wand up to his eye to get a close look at it. Through the magnification of his monocle he could tell that there were a few scratches on the ebony handle.  _I_ knew _I should've had this looked at_ , he thought bitterly. Still, a few imperfections in the handle should not cause his magic to go awry like this.

He raised the wand and tried again, saying, "Anti-Fairy World!" for good measure.

Five seconds later he was back and considerably more irritated.

"To Anti-Fairy World!" he said, and tried again.

And again. "I wish to go to Anti-Fairy World!"

And again. "I wish I was in Anti-Fairy World!"

"I wish I was  _at my castle_  in  _Anti-Fairy World!_ "

"TAKE ME TO ANTI-FAIRY WORLD, YOU CURSED STICK!"

This time he appeared in a room where two fairies were sitting at a table playing checkers. They gasped when they saw him, shooting upward in alarm and knocking their chairs over.

"This is a warning!" Anti-Cosmo snarled purely for effect, jabbing his finger at them. "Fairy World will fall!"

He vanished again and returned to the field, seething. Somehow, he was ending up in Fairy World… not Anti-Fairy World. It made no sense. It wasn't possible. But it was happening anyway. Truthfully, it worried him. He needed to figure out how and why he kept appearing in Fairy World, of course, but he had to get home first. There was no accessible bridge between Earth and Anti-Fairy World. The only way to get there was to  _anti-poof!_  there, and for whatever reason it wasn't working.

One more try. He'd try one more time to get home, and if that failed, well, he'd cross that bridge when he came to it.

Oh. But there  _was_  no bridge.

Anti-Cosmo shoved that thought to the side and raised his wand once more, concentrating all his being on going back to his beloved castle. He disappeared.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" someone shrieked.

" **AAAAAHHHHH!** " Anti-Cosmo shrieked right back, flinging his arms over his face to shield his vision and dropping his book in the process. He had appeared in a neat, tiled bathroom. And, directly across from him, sitting in a bathtub and looking at Anti-Cosmo in petrified horror, was Jorgen von Strangle with a rubber duck clutched in his hand. Anti-Cosmo thanked his lucky stars that the bathtub was filled with bubbles that towered so high they almost brushed the ceiling. Averting his eyes, he snatched up his book again and got out of there as fast as he possibly could.

When he appeared in the field again he furled his wings and dropped limply onto the grass. He would never, ever be able to unsee that.

That was enough. Who knew where he'd end up if he tried  _anti-poof!_ ing again? He'd have to figure out another way home. Which meant… which meant that he was now stuck on Earth. Unless of course he went back to Fairy World, on purpose this time. But Earth trumped Fairy World a million times over. Of course, if he was to stay on Earth in order to figure out what in blue blazes was going on, there was really only one place he could go.

Lifting back into the air and regaining his composure, he raised his wand one more time and vanished in a cloud of dark blue smoke.

 


	5. An Unwanted Visitor

"Mom, have you seen anything…" Timmy glanced down at the pink peppershaker on the kitchen table, sitting by his plate. It gave him a slight nod. "…green, around here?"

"Green?" his mom asked. She was eating asparagus from a plate of nearly the same color and was dabbing at her mouth with an emerald-colored napkin.

"Um, yeah."

"Hm…" his mom looked around the room. "Not that I know of."

"I see something green," Mr. Turner said to his son. "Your vegetables!"

Timmy looked down at his plate and poked the substance on it with his fork. "…These are vegetables? What kind?" They certainly weren't asparagus.

Mr. Turner took a huge bite of the food on his own plate, managing a shaky grin at Mrs. Turner. "The best kind! Unidentifiable!"

"Okay…" Timmy scooted back from the table while his mom beamed. "Can I be excused?"

"If you've had enough to eat!" Mrs. Turner replied.

"Yeah. Sure." Timmy jumped up from the table and left before she could call him back. Neither of his parents noticed the pepper and paprika shakers disappearing from the table after him.

"I'm getting worried about Cosmo," Wanda said as she and Poof appeared in their fairy forms in the hall.

"Relax, Wanda, it's only been twenty minutes!" Timmy said. But he was worried, too.

The two fairies drifted after him up the stairs. "It's not good to leave Cosmo on his own for  _five_ minutes! You know that!" Wanda berated. "Something went wrong with his wand. And where did he disappear to? And why did Anti-Cosmo show up?"

"I don't know!" Timmy said. "But don't worry, we'll figure it out!" He opened the door to his room and stopped in his tracks.

Anti-Cosmo was floating there with his back to them, going through one of the drawers in Timmy's desk.

"Anti-Fairy at twelve o'clock!" Wanda screeched. She dove forward, crashing into the startled Anti and bowling him over. "What do you want with our Timmy?"

"Yeah!" Timmy stormed in, taking Poof and holding him protectively. "And what were you doing? What've you stolen?!"

The dark fairy vanished from under Wanda and appeared again near Timmy. "Stolen? I have not stolen anything."

"Oh yeah?" Timmy lunged forward and grabbed the book that the Anti-Fairy was holding. "Then what's this?"

"Actually, Timothy, that is mine." Anti-Cosmo's wand glowed and the book materialized back in his hand.

Wanda flew back over to her husband's counterpart. "I want to know exactly what you're doing here and what you've done to Cosmo!" She prodded him in the chest repeatedly.

Anti-Cosmo swatted her away. "Enough! I don't know why you're blathering about Cosmo. As for why I'm here, actually, I'm in a bit of a pickle, and I've had no choice but to come back to  _you_ nincompoops for assistance."

"Poof-poof?" the fairy baby in Timmy's arms asked.

"You need our help?" Timmy said, shocked, but a slow smirk spread across his face. Oh, this was too good.

Anti-Cosmo sighed and backed a little away from the three of them. "Yes, yes, we're all aware of the thick irony here, I'm sure. But that aside, there really is a reason for me being here. You see, I've found I can't  _poof!_  back to Anti-Fairy World."

"Huh? You what?" Wanda gawked.

Anti-Cosmo looked at her skeptically. "Eloquently put, Wanda. Are you  _sure_ you and my wife are opposites in terms of intelligence?"

"Why can't you get back to Anti-Fairy World?" Timmy asked, while Wanda scowled.

The dark fairy turned his attention to him. "Haven't the foggiest. Whenever I try to get back, I end up in Fairy World!"

"That's impossible!" Wanda argued. "You can't get to Fairy World without clearance any more than we can get to Anti-Fairy World!"

"I'm aware of that. Be that as it may," Anti-Cosmo said, running his thumb along the spine of the book he was carrying, "I'm telling the truth. And you might want to make a note of that, because it doesn't happen very often."

Wanda narrowed her eyes at him. "I don't know… I don't trust you any farther than I could throw you."

Anti-Cosmo tipped his head to the side. "Interesting expression," he said "I've never—"

"TURNER!" a loud, all-too-familiar voice bellowed. Quick as a flash, Anti-Cosmo transformed into a dark blue rat and darted into Timmy's closet, vanishing with a flick of the long, skinny tail.

An orange inferno flared up in the middle of Timmy's room and none other than Jorgen von Strangle appeared.

Timmy's eye twitched. Did Jorgen know about their unexpected guest?

"Timmy! Wanda! Poof!" the enormous fairy barked in his gruff voice. "We have a problem! Wait, where is Cosmo?" His eyes scanned the room but then he apparently gave up. "Doesn't matter. I've gotten numerous reports from fairies that Anti-Cosmo has been appearing in random places all over Fairy World! Including my bathroom!" Jorgen looked livid.

Timmy and Wanda shared a look. "Is that even possible?" Timmy asked carefully.

"No! It is NOT!" Jorgen said, throwing out his arms. "That's why there's a PROBLEM! And it's also just very creepy."

"But why come  _here?_ " Wanda asked. Her eyes strayed to the closet.

" _Because_ , Turner here talks to Anti-Fairies  _way_  more than any sane or normal person ever should! I thought you of all people might know what those fiends are up to!"

Timmy hoped his relief wasn't evident on his face. "Nope, no idea!"

"Yeah, we're not having anything to do with Anti-Fairies anymore!" Wanda said. Her eyes were too wide and her smile was a tad too bright.

Jorgen continued on, completely oblivious. "…Oh. Well, if you have any information at all, you must tell me! I haven't forgotten, Timmy Turner, that you troublemakers were the ones who released Anti-Cosmo in the first place!"

He disappeared in another loud and violent explosion. Fortunately, the flames died down instantly and nothing in Timmy's room caught fire.

"All right, so you  _were_  telling the truth," Wanda said exasperatedly to the closet.

Anti-Cosmo appeared in the room again with a little  _pop_. "You would take Jorgen's word over _mine_?"

"Duh," Timmy said.

The Anti-Fairy crossed his arms. "Clever of you." He wasn't holding the book anymore. Timmy made a mental note to check his closet for it later.

"So if you can't  _poof!_ back to your world, how are you going to get back?" he asked the dark fairy.

Anti-Cosmo didn't look at him, instead taking a cloth out of his coat pocket and polishing the handle of his wand with it. "Well, I hadn't quite figured that out yet."

Horrified realization flashed into Wanda's eyes. " _Oh_ , no. You're not seriously thinking of  _staying_ here?"

Anti-Cosmo looked up flashed a fanged grin at her. "That is  _precisely_  what I was thinking."

"You can't do that!" Timmy said, appalled. "You're an Anti-Fairy!"

Anti-Cosmo held out his blue hands in front of his face and scrutinized them as if he'd never seen them before. "Why, I am! Your powers of observation simply  _astonish_  me."

Wanda flew up in front of him, blocking Timmy and Poof from his view. "There is no reason why I should let you stay here. You've been nothing but bad luck to us since the day we first laid eyes on you!"

Anti-Cosmo raised an eyebrow. "Of course. Bad luck is, as Turner might put it, ' _my thing.'_ "

That was true. Anti-Fairies couldn't really help bringing bad luck to everyone they came across. But did they really have to enjoy it so much?

"You kidnapped Poof and tried to take over the universe!" Wanda continued, her eyebrows in a sharp V shape.

"Yes, and that turned out so very badly for  _you_ , didn't it?" Anti-Cosmo snapped, his voice taking on an irritated edge.

"You're pure evil!" Wanda concluded.

"Granted," the Anti-Fairy said.

Wanda had run out of steam. She crossed her arms and raised her chin. "Well, I still want to know what you did with my husband! He disappeared at the same time as you appeared!"

"Really." Anti-Cosmo's eyebrows rose.

"Yeah!" Timmy planted his hands on his hips. "And before that, his wand went all funny!"

The dark fairy's aloof look vanished to be replaced by an expression that Timmy couldn't read. "Funny how?"

"Funny as in, completely wigged out," Timmy said.

Anti-Cosmo sighed and looked at him wearily. "I have no  _idea_  what that is supposed to mean."

"There was this glowing orb that started spinning around it!" Timmy said, twirling his finger to demonstrate.

Something flickered in Anti-Cosmo's eyes and Timmy thought he saw his grip tighten ever-so-slightly on his wand. "Well, I can assure you, I had nothing to do with that."

_He's gotta be lying,_  Timmy thought, narrowing his eyes.

"Well, I can't go looking for Cosmo with  _you_ here!" Wanda gestured to Anti-Cosmo.

"Wait! What about this?" Timmy brightened. "I can't believe I didn't think of this before. I wish Cosmo was back here!"

Despite the wish, Cosmo did not suddenly appear back with his family. But that was the  _least_ bizarre thing to happen. Timmy gaped as, along with Wanda and Poof, Anti-Cosmo raised his wand to grant the wish.

"Whoa. What are you  _doing?_ " Timmy asked, Cosmo's absence momentarily pushed to the side.

"Yeah, what  _are_  you doing?" Wanda demanded.

"I—" The look on Anti-Cosmo's face suggested his thoughts were racing. He was putting two and two together, while Timmy didn't even know what two and two  _were_.

Wanda rounded on the Anti-Fairy. "You're not going to use any magic,  _understand?_  Even if you do stay here  _and I'm not saying you are_ , there's not way I'm going to float by and let you—"

"Timothy," Anti-Cosmo said, ignoring Wanda completely, "make another wish."

Taken aback, Timmy thought for a second. "Um… I wish I have by Death By Zombies game back."

Wanda let out an outraged snort, but she, Poof,  _and_ Anti-Cosmo raised their wands (or rattle, in Poof's case), and Timmy's Game Boy appeared at his feet.

"What the  _heck?_ " Timmy nearly choked. He, Wanda, and Poof backed away from Anti-Cosmo, leaving the dark fairy in the center of the room.

"Why are you granting Timmy's wishes?!" Wanda's shrill voice demanded.

Anti-Cosmo crossed his arms over his chest, his black wand twitching in his fingers. A little smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth. "Well, clearly I am now one of Timothy's godparents."

"WHAT?" Wanda shrieked, as Timmy screamed something similar, after which he cried, "Cosmo's disappeared and now  _you're_ my fairy godparent?!"

"That's impossible!" Wanda thundered.

"Think about it, my dear Wanda!" Anti-Cosmo said, although the term 'my dear Wanda' wasn't exactly said in the most friendly of tones. "I cannot return to my own world using magic—instead, I end up in  _your_  world. And now it's apparent that I must grant young Timothy's wishes."

"I knew it!" Wanda grabbed him by the puffy thing he wore around his neck (Anti-Cosmo himself was mostly like the only one who knew what it was actually called) and snarled in his face. " _You_ did this! You  _did_  do this! You've been trying for ages to get your hands on Timmy! I'll ask you again—What have you done with Cosmo, you overgrown  _toad?_ "

Anti-Cosmo glared and  _poof!_ ed away from her. "Whatever it was that I may  _or may not_  have done, this was not the intended result!"

"What  _did_ you do?" Timmy shouted.

Anti-Cosmo adjusted his monocle and flew higher. "I believe Cosmo and I have switched places," he said.

Wanda's hands flew to her mouth. "You mean—"

" _Yes_ ," the Anti-Fairy said testily. "There was some loophole in the magic, some  _glitch_ , and now in the eyes of The Rules I am a fairy godparent with all the powers and limits thereof. Whereas my brain-dead counterpart Cosmo—"

"Anti-Fairy," Timmy realized with a hollow feeling. He slumped against his bed.

"I do believe that Cosmo is now the guardian and ruler of Anti-Fairy World. And presently there is nothing I can do to stop him from  _destroying_  it."

* * *

Someone grabbed Cosmo's arm. He couldn't tell who it was, since he was still enveloped by smoke, so he did his best to wave the smoke aside. It dissipated and he realized one crucial thing. This wasn't Timmy's bedroom. Well, unless Timmy and Wanda had done some serious redecorating in the last… five seconds. It looked more like the Great Hall in an old castle.

"Wow, it's dank in here!" he said. The hand holding his arm released him instantly.

"Uncle  _Idiot?_ " a little blue Anti-Fairy baby gasped. "I mean, Cosmo?"

Cosmo, noticing whom else was here, smiled and waved. "Oh, hi, Foop! Hi, Anti-Wanda! What are you doing in Timmy's bedroom?"

Anti-Wanda flew over and took Cosmo's head, turning it this way and that and examining it. "Wow, that trick was amazin'!"

Foop shoved Cosmo to the side, scanning the table and floor for something. "The book Father was using is gone!" he snarled. He whirled to face Cosmo. "What have you done with Da-da? I MEAN, Father?"

"Awww, you're so cute!" Cosmo gushed.

"I know! He  _is!_ " Anti-Wanda flew forward and pulled Foop into a tight hug. "My little baby is adorable!"

"Mother! Manifestations of darkness and evil are not  _cute!_ " Foop spat, struggling to get away from her.

"So… where are we, anyway?" Cosmo asked.

Foop stopped wriggling and dropped his arms. "Seriously? A dark, menacing castle,  _Anti-Fairies?_ " He gestured to himself and his mother. "Where do you  _think_  you are?"

Cosmo blinked. "Seattle?"

"Close!" Anti-Wanda said. "Yer in Anti-Fairy World!"

Cosmo laughed. "That's stupid! If I'm in Anti-Fairy World, then where are all the Anti-Fairies, huh?"

With a groan, Foop said, "I think I preferred  _Father_." He finally pulled away from his mother and glared at everyone present.

Cosmo lost interest in Foop fairly quickly. "Wow, this place is ginormous!" he said in awe, flying up and looking around. He had appeared at the head of a long table, behind which a fire burned in a grate. "How come I've never been here before?"

" _Because_ , this is  _Anti-Fairy World!_ " Foop shouted.

"Heh,  _right_ ," Cosmo said. "C'mon, everyone knows you can't just  _go_  to Anti-Fairy World!"

"He's right!" Anti-Wanda said. "Fairies ain't allowed! We must be in Seattle!"

"WE'RE  _IN_  ANTI-FAIRY WORLD!" Foop screamed, gesticulating wildly. " _He_  is a FAIRY! He shouldn't _be_  here! Why are neither of you  _getting_  this?!"

Cosmo gasped. "I really  _am_  in Anti-Fairy World?"

"YES!"

Cosmo threw his arms in the air. "Cool! Is it as miserable as everyone says it is?"

"Even worse," Foop said, his arms crossed. He turned to Anti-Wanda, who was floating hunched over and digging one finger in her ear. "Mother, Father has vanished and this idiot fairy has appeared in his place. What shall we do with him?"

"LET'S EAT HIM!" Anti-Wanda  _poof!_ ed a fork and knife into her hands.

"AHH!" Cosmo screamed and darted across the room.

"That seems a bit much," Foop mused, rubbing his chin with a pudgy blue hand.

Anti-Wanda  _poof!_ ed away the cutlery and laughed. "I's only jokin'!"

"…Okay…" Cosmo, at the far end of the table, laughed nervously. "I'll… just… go." He made for the door, but Foop raised his bottle and forcibly caused Cosmo to stop and turn back around.

"Hold on, I'm sure Father wouldn't want his fairy counterpart to leave without experiencing some of our infamous hospitality!"

"You're going to put me in the hospital?" Cosmo gasped.

Foop sighed. "Hospitality is treating someone like a guest! Which we're not going to do, since you're the enemy. Sarcasm is wasted on you."

"Sarcasm? I love sarcasm!" Cosmo said. "It goes great with jelly!" Suddenly he pointed at the opposite wall, crying, "Look! A distraction!"

Anti-Wanda and even Foop whirled around to look where he was pointing. Cosmo turned tail and sped through the door, slamming it closed behind him. He streaked down the hall on the other side.

"After that fairy!" Foop commanded. His voice was muffled and almost indecipherable through the door.

Cosmo turned down several halls before zipping into an open room and closing that door as well. Then he grabbed everything in the room that wasn't bolted down and pushed it up against the door to create a barricade. When he finished, he stopped and admired his handiwork with his hands on his hips. "Nothing could get through there now!"

With a little  _pop_ , Foop appeared behind him. "Hello, Clarice," he said.

Cosmo looked around at him. "Uh, actually my name's Cosmo," he said. "But that's all right, they both start with K…"

With a start he realized who he was talking to and yelped, whipping out his wand and  _poof!_ ing away.

He'd meant to go back to Timmy's room. Instead, he ended up back in the giant dining area.

"I'm stuck in here!" he cried. "WANDA! Get me outta here!"

Anti-Wanda appeared in the room with a puff of smoke. "Whoo-hah! That were fun!" she cheered. "Now we gotta take your wand and make you our pris'ner!"

"You can't! I have a dentist appoint in two hours!" Cosmo blurted, backing away.

"Surprise attack baby bounce!" Foop came out of nowhere and crashed into Cosmo, snatching his wand and bouncing out of reach. "AHA!" He held both Cosmo's wand and his own magic bottle over his head, breaking out in uproarious laughter.

"Hey! That's mine!" Cosmo protested.

"No take-backsies!" Foop stuck his tongue out. "Mother?"

Anti-Wanda hurried forward and took Cosmo's arms, pulling them behind his back and clasping them there. Then the dining hall vanished to be replaced by an even darker, danker place.

"Welcome to the underground dungeons!" the Anti-Fairy announced proudly. "We haven't used 'em in centuries but we kept 'em nice just'n case!"

This… was nice? The little light there was dribbled in from a small, barred window up near the ceiling. The air felt cold and damp, weighing down on the two of them like a soggy blanket. Cosmo thought he heard something scurrying around on the floor of the cell and hoped it was only a rat. There didn't appear to be any doors.

"T'ain't no way you can get outta here without a wand!" Anti-Wanda said, releasing him. "Only thing worse'd be a butterfly net! Got any questions?"

"Yeah," Cosmo said. "If we're underground, how come there's a window?"

"Oh. I… 'unno!" Anti-Wanda looked baffled. Shaking her head, she vanished.

Cosmo was left utterly alone, trapped in the tiny, dark cell.

 


	6. The Houseguest and the Prisoner

Foop never had cleaned the library. With everything that had transpired, the entire issue had been forgotten.

Now he swung open one of the enormous wooden doors with a wave of his magic bottle and slid inside. The ancient door trailed cobwebs along the ceiling and the dust in the air instantly clogged Foop's young throat. He retched, coughing it back up and waving his bottle about in an attempt to banish the filth. When the dust cloud finally settled, his eyes widened, the pupils expanding and overtaking his lilac irises.  _Books!_  So, so many books! The sheer number of them was staggering! They lined every shelf of countless bookshelves towering all the way to the ceiling. Many of the books were bound in aged, cracked leather, and nearly all of them lacked a title printed on the spine. Foop fluttered through the library's aisles, taking in the sight of the books with a vacant look in his eyes and his mouth slightly agape. They were perfect, they were beautiful—and yet, everything was covered in a thick layer of dust and filth. How could his father have ever allowed this place to fall into such a state? Such…  _depravity!_

This place obviously really  _did_  need clearing out. Foop had left Cosmo's wand in his room for safekeeping, since an Anti-Fairy attempting to use a fairy's wand would yield unpredictable resultes. Instead, he waved the bottle clutched in his tiny hand and used that to send much of the dust away. It was hard work and this much filth had to go  _somewhere_. He sent it all to one of the unused cells in the dungeon.

"Now to the  _real_  point of this visit," he said. "Which book was Father using?" He flew around the library again, scanning every row of books until at last locating one spot on a high-up shelf where there was enough room for a book. Every other shelf in the entire place was far too crowded. Eagerly he searched the area around there and then the entire bookshelf, his eyes peeled for any books resembling the one his father had taken.

When he reached the last book he stopped, then zipped back to the top and started again. At the end of his second time through he grunted and pulled backwards, glaring at the empty spot on the shelf as if it were mocking him. None of the other books in the bookcase looked like the one Anti-Cosmo had used. Was there only one copy of each book? What kind of library  _was_  this? None of these books probably had any pictures in them, either.

Foop turned around with a sniff and headed back toward the library doors, the leathery black wings on his back beating slower than usual. There wasn't much he could really do about the missing book right now, he decided. He reviewed his situation. Anti-Cosmo had obviously performed some feat of magic that he had read out of that book. What that could possibly have been—what the ramifications were, and what his father's motives were—Foop had no clue whatsoever. But he was determined to find out. Especially since, apparently against his Anti-Cosmo's wishes, his father's wand had gone bananas and he had vanished to be replaced by that blithering idiot Cosmo.

Hold on. If Cosmo had replaced Anti-Cosmo, did that mean that Anti-Cosmo had replaced  _Cosmo?_

"Ach, headache," the Anti-baby said, clutching his square-shaped head. He didn't know for  _sure_  where his father had gone. The fact remained that he  _was_  gone. And Foop and his mother now had a fairy prisoner in their previously unused dungeon.

Normally that might be considered some sort of advantage. He really couldn't see how that might be so in this particular case, however. A fairy prisoner could have made a decent hostage—if it wasn't  _Cosmo_.

* * *

"I know what you mean, Mouse, it's not very clean in here," Cosmo said, his voice reverberating against the damp walls and stinging his own eardrums. After what felt like hours of floating in the dark and pulling fruitlessly at the bars on the paradoxical window, he had retired his flight, found the driest patch of ground in the cell (driest meaning it didn't squelch underfoot), and sat down upon it. At the moment he had his hand held out with his palm up, where a mouse was sitting and washing itself.

Cosmo waited for the mouse to say something but it remained silent, as mice usually did. "Do you know any folk songs?" he asked it. "Or rock? Jazz? Jacuzi? Paparazzi?"

There was still no reply.

"I know a song!" Cosmo continued. He began to sing, the tune so off-key that even the mouse winced. " _And I know that I'm forgetful, I know I'm dim… and even though I've just eaten, I know I'll swim… But I know that it doesn't matter, if I can't count to two. As long as I'm floating with—"_ He paused. "I forget the rest."

The mouse stopped washing, leapt off his hand, and scurried away across the grimy floor.

"Wait! Don't leave me alone!" Cosmo cried. He dove after the rodent and nearly managed to grab it, but it slipped through his fingers and vanished into a little hole in the wall. He plunged his hand in after it; sharp incisors sank into his thumb and he withdrew his fingers with a cry.

"Well I don't like you either!" He shouted, tears stinging his eyes. He nursed his bleeding thumb and stuck it in his mouth. Unfortunately, without a magic wand to heal the wound instantaneously, it would take a while for it to mend itself.

Cosmo went back and sat against the wall again, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them. How had he even ended up here? And where were Wanda and Timmy? And Poof? And Wanda? Wanda? If Wanda were here, she'd probably make a lot of disdainful comments about the filthy floor. Cosmo drew his fingers through the dirt and sniffed them. He gagged. Getting dirty was only fun if someone yelled at you for it. This? This wasn't fun. This was gross and un-fun. And he was  _so alone_. Even the mouse didn't want to talk to him!

The silence pressed in on his ears and made his head hurt. He hunched down, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a wad of pre-chewed gum, massaging it between his fingers just to give his hands something to do.

After a moment he thought he heard voices. His head perked up. "Wanda?"

The voices faded and he wondered whether he had just imagined them. Not even the mouse poked its nose out the hole to give any indication that it had heard them too.

Cosmo glanced around, swiping one cheek with the side of his hand and then wiping the wetness off on his pants. "Wanda? …Wanda?" he repeated, over and over, sniveling. When still no one responded, he tipped his head up to the moldy ceiling and wailed. " _I miss Wanda!_ "

* * *

Timmy took hold of Wanda's wrist and pulled her down lower so she floated closer to his eye-level. "Wanda, I  _really_ don't like this," he said, his voice hushed. His eyes remained locked on the fishbowl across the room, where Anti-Cosmo, in goldfish form, was swimming in impatient circles. "What if he… I dunno, tries something?"

"I don't like it either," Wanda admitted quietly. She glanced at the fishbowl too. There was no way Anti-Cosmo wouldn't know they were talking about him. "But he won't leave and I want him out of the way while we figure all this out!"

"But letting him stay in your  _house?_ " Timmy said. They had come to that decision soon after Anti-Cosmo had figured out more or less what had happened to him and Cosmo. It had been agreed that, since the situation majorly affected all of them and no one had any clue about how to solve this mess, Anti-Cosmo would stay with them while they figured out a plan of action.

Wanda twirled her wand in her fingers. "Don't worry, we've had the house Anti-Fairy proof for centuries! Their magic doesn't work in it."

"But Anti-Cosmo's not technically an Anti-Fairy anymore!" Timmy reminded her. "He looks like one, but he uses fairy magic now!"

Wanda nearly dropped her wand. "That's—that's right," she said, suddenly at a loss. She shook her head. "Well, we'll just have to be extra careful."

She didn't give Timmy a chance to respond, instead  _poof!_ ing into the fishbowl as a goldfish and glowering at the monocled creep that she'd for some reason offered to share her house with. "Come on, then."

She led the way through the door of the castle, Anti-Cosmo following about a tail-length behind. As soon as the door closed behind them the entryway drained of water and they both turned back into their normal forms.

"Hm…" Anti-Cosmo took in his surroundings with glittering eyes—the deep purple walls, the arches spanning the hall, the corridors branching off the main entrance and turning the place into something of a double barrel vault, the giant crown hanging from the ceiling by a chain, and especially the countless doors running down each wall. "Just how big is this place?"

"That's enough looking!" Wanda snapped. "Come on, you can have one of the guest rooms." She floated down the corridor and into the lobby, followed closely by Anti-Cosmo. Across from them, two staircases led up to a pair of ornate doors that would open into the bedroom that Wanda shared with Cosmo. Directly beneath the door, in between the two staircases, was the receptacle that held their wands when they slept or were otherwise not in need of them. The receptacle was empty, of course, as Wanda had her wand with her and Cosmo, along with his wand, was currently trapped in another realm.

Wanda averted her gaze from the sight and turned sharply, heading down another hallway. "Here, down this way."

Anti-Cosmo, despite Wanda's earlier protest, continued to look, glancing from side to side as they traveled the length of the hall. "Do you have guests often?" he asked, noting the apparently empty guest bedrooms on either side of him.

"Do  _you?_ " Wanda countered. She doubted that anyone, even other Anti-Fairies, would want to stay in the same house as this slimy creep.  _She_  certainly didn't want to. She hated this idea more with every passing minute.

"I entertain, and I hold meetings of vast importance every other Friday, so yes," Anti-Cosmo replied.

Wanda narrowed her eyes, forcing herself not to look back at him. "'Vast importance' meaning 'plotting for world domination.'"

" _Universal_  domination, actually," Anti-Cosmo corrected.

Wanda had no reply to that. She stopped suddenly in front of one of the doors, her body rigid. "Here! Have this room!" She flung open the door.

The Anti-Fairy brushed past her, flying in and looking around. "Aha! Four-poster bed with curtains, enchanted window, a desk and a bookcase! Marvelous! I  _may_  darken things up a bit in here, if you don't mind. Bright colors give me horrendous daydreams."

Wanda blinked. "Daydreams?"

"The opposite of nightmares, Wanda." Anti-Cosmo was examining the bookcase with his hands behind his back.

"Right. Okay. Redecorate however you want." Wanda sighed. She straightened up and pointed at him threateningly. "But don't think we're not watching you! If you're up to  _anything_ , we'll find out about it! And you can only stay until we get this mess cleaned up!  _Or_ until we get fed up with you and kick you out. Whichever comes first!" She backed out of the room, slammed the door, and locked the Anti-Fairy inside.

Not that it would do any good, as she knew. He could just anti- _poof!_  right back out.

Wanda flitted back to the lobby, down the entry hall and then out the door, turning back into a fish before locating Timmy and  _poof!_ ing back into the room in her regular form. She needed to speak with her godson.

* * *

As soon as Wanda left, Anti-Cosmo used magic to turn the walls of his new room navy blue. Everything else he turned either blue or black, except the curtains around the bed and on the window. They were already a dark burgundy color and, having a liking for that color as well, he allowed them to stay.

The view out of the enchanted window, however, he could do nothing about. It was just a generic, sunny scene of a beach somewhere—it probably changed every day. He drew the curtains over it.

By now the sparse room was considerably less cheerful and much more suited to Anti-Cosmo's tastes. He would have preferred the walls to be made of dark stone with sconces every few feet, and perhaps a lit torch or two, but he decided not to push his luck. Besides, he didn't want to get  _too_  comfortable here. Not that he ever could.

The castle was silent and Wanda had gone. Anti-Cosmo didn't trust that pink swirly-haired fairy any more than she trusted him. He pulled out his wand and rubbed the star tip with his thumb. The black tip began to glow blue like a flame, then white, and an image appeared on it. Sound caught up a second later—it was a real-time magical "video feed," if you will, showing Wanda talking to Timothy. The ultimate spying tool.

"I want Poof to sleep out here tonight," Wanda was saying. "I'm going to go see about getting Cosmo back. Then we're turning Anti-Cosmo straight over to Jorgen!"

"Whoa, really?" Timothy sounded surprised.

Wanda grimaced and pulled her floating fairy baby, Poof, closer to her. " _Yes_ , really. He's too dangerous to have around. Hopefully he'll be gone by this morning!"

Anti-Cosmo ended the scrying session and his wand went dull again. If he had kept it up for much longer, they may have discovered what he was up to.

"Plotting an act of betrayal!" he said to his wand. "I like it! Well played, Wanda, I wouldn't have thought you capable of such villainy."

Well, he about to let himself be turned over to Jorgen. He'd end up back in Abracatraz before you could say "tea and crumpets."

He summoned the dark magic book from where he had hidden it in Timothy's closet and sat down on the now-blue bedspread with it, resting his wings for a moment while he flipped back to the spell that had brought him here. " _A powerful switching spell_ ," he mouthed. But not powerful  _enough_ , it seemed. He and Cosmo and switched—but no one else had. Muddling. And there was no way he could contact his wife or son.

Well, there was one way, but it would only work once and he would prefer to save that in case a dire emergency cropped up.

He read and reread the spell in the book, but as far as he could see he had performed it correctly. There seemed to be no reason for it to have failed. Perhaps it needed more power than he had been able to give it. Well, if that was the case, then the spell was entirely  _usele—_ Anti-Cosmo started. Hold the phone! Fairies had more raw power than Anti-Fairies. And  _technically_ , he was a fairy now. So he had all of their powers. His magic came directly from the Big Wand in Fairy World itself. And! Having a godchild enhanced a fairy's power! He smiled a slow smile, the beginnings of a plan etching themselves into his mind.

All he had to do was get young Timmy Turner to wish for precisely the right thing, and Fairy World truly would fall.

Anti-Cosmo gently closed the book and stashed it under the nightstand by his new bed. He tapped the spot with his wand. Now no one would be able to see it and it would be difficult for Wanda to sense using magic. He didn't need that fairy getting her hands on the book and figuring out with certainty that it had been he who had caused the switch.

The invisibility charm had taken a lot of magic, but he would need just a bit more. He sent a charm circling around his bed. If anyone entered the room or attempted to remove him from it while he slept, he would instantly be awakened.

There. That was about all his stamina would allow at the moment. Exhausted, he  _poof!_ ed into his blue sleepwear, removed his monocle, and slid into bed.

 


	7. Pop Quiz!

The room was dark and silent. Anti-Cosmo curled his fists under the blanket, listening intently for any disturbances—usually he could see in the dark very well, but now he couldn't see much of anything. Still, it didn't concern him much.

_Crunch_.

The terrible sound came from above and was like a tree being snapped in half. Anti-Cosmo whipped his head up, squinting at the ceiling, and his heart flew into his throat for a few seconds. An enormous hand was descending toward him. He threw the covers off his bed and scrambled to get away but one of his wings was caught between a thumb and forefinger and he was held fast. The hand began to pull him up—and up—by the  _wing_ —there was a  _crack_  as one of the bones in the bat-like wing fractured and Anti-Cosmo yelped in pain.

He was hauled up through the ceiling and passed through a thick layer of some substance that was denser than air, though not quite a type of li quid, and he found himself struggling to breathe even though he had no real need to.

At last the giant hand pulled him up through the very ground of Fairy World and closed in a fist around him, trapping him and sending sharp twinges of pain down his injured wing.

"ANTI-COSMO!" someone bellowed, causing the dark fairy to cringe at the ringing in his ears.

"Jorgen," Anti-Cosmo said flatly, locking eyes on his captor and narrowing them in a scowl. "I knew Wanda was going to rat me out, but I must admit I expected something a little more… subtle."

Jorgen von Strangle leered at the tiny Anti-Fairy clenched in his hand. Even at normal size he towered over the other fairies, but right now he was as large as a building, and as he brought Anti-Cosmo up closer his face filled almost the entirety of the dark fairy's vision.

" _Subtle!_ " the oversized fairy guffawed. "Subtle! HAHAHA!  _SUBTLE!_ "

Anti-Cosmo sighed. The brute probably didn't even know what "subtle"  _meant_.

"You are too funny," Jorgen said. He opened his hand and Anti-Cosmo dropped like a stone, his broken wing useless, hitting the ground with a jarring  _thump_. It only took one glance to see that he had fallen into a cell deep in Abracatraz prison. Anti-Cosmo stood up, striding to the glass front of the cell. Outside, Jorgen was back to his normal size and looked all too happy at having the leader of the Anti-Fairies behind bars once again. Well, behind glass, to be more precise.

"You know, Jorgen, you can't keep me here forever," Anti-Cosmo said. "I'd have thought you would have learned that by now."

"I don't have to learn anything!" Jorgen said, stepping closer to the cell. "You  _are_ staying here forever! I'm making sure of it!"

"He's right, ya know?" a familiar voice said behind him. Anti-Cosmo whirled around to see his wife standing there, grinning toothily as usual.

"Anti-Wanda?" he said, aghast. "They caught you, as well?"

"Well duh, of course they caught her. They caught  _all_ the Anti-Fairies," another Anti-Fairy, standing off to the left, said with his arms crossed. "The fairies flew over in jets and captured every single one of us." He spat on the floor. Anti-Cosmo wrinkled his nose in distaste. When he looked back around, Anti-Wanda had vanished to be replaced instead by Wanda, the bright pink of her hair and eyes, along with her yellow shirt, the only splashes of color in the cell besides Anti-Cosmo's green eyes.

"And if it were up to me, that would only be the  _beginning!_ " she squawked. "If you go anywhere  _near_  my baby, I'll—well, I'll— _DO SOMETHING!_  To  _you!_ "

Cosmo  _poof!_ ed next to her, laughing. "Yeah! Yeah! You showed him!" He looked at Anti-Cosmo. "Oh! And remember that time I totally beat you at the Olympics thing we did? I bet you  _never_  heard the end of that! WATERMELONS!"

There was a series of echoing  _booms_  that caused Anti-Cosmo to turn around yet again—it was just Jorgen rapping on the front of the cell. "Cosmo! Wanda! Get out of there! Anti-Fairy bites are probably poisonous!"

"I'm not  _biting_  anyone," Anti-Cosmo sniffed.

"Don't tap on the glass, it freaks him out!" Wanda said to Jorgen, her hands on her hips.

"I like corn!" Cosmo shouted.

"Man, I don't understand anything that's going on," Timothy Turner, standing next to Cosmo and Wanda, said.

"All right,  _enough!_ " Anti-Cosmo fluttered into the air, throwing his arms out. "If I'm going to be here for a while, I'll need some peace and quiet!"

" _AHAHAHAHAHA!_ " Maniacal laughter erupted from somewhere outside the cell as a square-shaped Anti-Fairy baby appeared, the twisted features of his face lit by a sudden bolt of lightning coupled with the wave of fire that flared up behind him. "Did someone say  _DOOM?_ "

Anti-Cosmo dropped his arms. "No, Foop. The word 'doom' hasn't come up once in this entire conversation, convoluted as it is."

Foop frowned, looking more than slightly put out. "Well, you  _know_ , I was floating around aimlessly outside for twenty minutes before I just decided to come on in. One can only wait so long for their cue!"

"We haven't even been here for twenty minutes," Jorgen pointed out.

Foop ignored him, flitting over to the cell and giving a coolly smug look to Anti-Cosmo. "You see, Father, I've joined up with the fairies to take down Anti-Fairy World! And then I'll double-cross Jorgen and enslave all the fairies, of course." He said that last part quickly.

Anti-Wanda flew over to Anti-Cosmo from behind, taking his shoulders in a vice-like grip. Her voice warbled with sorrow. "Look at mah li'l baby, plotting his first betrayal! Why's he gotta grow up so  _fast?_ "

"Mother, please, you're embarrassing me," Foop said. He faced Anti-Cosmo once more, grinning. "Anyhow, do you know what the most fun of all this is going to be? Watching _you_  rot in  _prison!_  Forever!"

"Ugh, Foop's right, he really  _is_  rotting," Jorgen said. "Look at him."

There was a tingling feeling in Anti-Cosmo's wings. He gasped, twisting to look over his shoulder at them, and his stomach lurched. Starting at their tips and traveling toward his back, the membranous wings were flaking away.

"What are you doing?" he shrieked, reaching behind his back to feel his decrepit wings. "What have you done to me?!"

"Ewww, look!" Cosmo pointed at his disintegrating wings. "Anybody got a camera?"

Everyone was laughing. Anti-Cosmo took a step back, eyes wide, on the verge of panicking. His wings ached but he spread their tattered remains, beating them as fast as he could and rising high into the air before anyone knew what he was doing. They pointed up at him, yelling, but he ignored them and poured all of his concentration into flying as high as he could,  _away_  from the myriad of fairies and Anti-Fairies on the ground.

His wing twinged and sent him into a tailspin for several feet—he'd forgotten it was broken. Letting out a quick breath, he strove to regain control and beat it even harder.

However, though he had been gaining altitude seconds earlier, he could now feel the wind rushing through his fingers the wrong way. He let out a tiny gasp as he free floated for a moment, then tumbled head over heels and plummeted back toward the Earth at speeds faster than even the pull of gravity.

* * *

_Wake up_

Anti-Cosmo's eyes snapped open.

He blinked once, twice, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings and wondering for an instant why he wasn't in his own bedchamber. The memories came back quickly enough and he went rigid, listening closely to try to detect any intruders in the room. It was dark, but his night vision was only slightly less acute than a cat's, and though his lack of monocle rendered him nearly half-blind he could still make out the objects around the room with little difficulty.

The thought brought a few details from the beginning of his fast-fading dream back to him and he shuddered. The subconscious was truly a strange thing.

He caught a flash of movement in the corner of the room and squinted his eyes to hide the shine in them. He'd been correct. There was an intruder flying around his bed, searching for something along the floor, bookshelves, and tables with the air of someone who didn't want to be caught. It looked like Wanda. No, it  _was_  Wanda. Anti-Cosmo clenched his fists and, when he saw that her back was turned, slowly reached to the nightstand and gripped the wooden handle of his wand. One flick of the wrist and he could summon a cloud of vampire bats to chase her out. However, just as his wand began to glow blue, shrill cries from down the hall split the air and Wanda straightened up, looking toward the door. That round, purple fairy baby was crying in another room.

Wanda raised her wand and an instant later  _poof!_ ed away in a cloud of pink smoke. Anti-Cosmo coughed and waved at the air until it dissipated, setting his wand back on the table. He wasn't entirely sure what Wanda had been looking for, but he had a hunch and silently congratulated himself for casting an invisibility spell over the place he had hidden his book. At least now he knew his magic alarm system worked, as well.

The baby had stopped crying and the castle was left with an eerie silence. Several minutes passed and Wanda did not reappear in the room.

Anti-Cosmo lay back down, trying to relax, though it was a long time before he fell back asleep.

* * *

The incessant, soulless beeping of the alarm clock, rather than Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof's cheerful "Good morning, Timmy!" was what woke Timmy the next morning. His eyes slid open and he glanced around. The fishbowl next to his bed was devoid of fish and there were no fairies in sight. Where were—

Oh. Right. Cosmo was still missing.

Timmy jumped out of bed and threw on his clothes, then ran over and pressed his face to the cold glass side of the fishbowl. "Wanda? Poof?"

No answer.

Timmy's hands flew to his mouth. "Wait! I was supposed to be watching Poof! Oh man if something's happened to him I'm in such deep—"

"Poof-poof!" a little voice said.

Timmy stared. His pillow smiled and blinked large purple eyes at him. "Poof!"

…Poof was his pillow. Ooookay.

He ran over and picked the pillow up. Poof changed back to his normal, cute baby form, and Timmy gave him a hug. "Yeah. No need to tell Wanda about that, huh?"

As if he had summoned her, a disheveled Wanda wearing dark clothes and a ski mask materialized and dropped to the ground like her wings could no longer hold her up. However, she immediately jumped to her feet, spun around in a tight circle with her wand pointed out, yelled, "CLEAR!" and leaped forward, crashing into Timmy and Poof and sending all three of them under the bed. She grabbed baby Poof and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm so glad to see you're both okay!"

"Wanda, what  _happened?_ " Timmy gasped. His fairy godmother looked as though she had lost a fight with a rabid dog.

Tucking Poof under her arm, Wanda  _poof!_ ed up a pair of binoculars and focused them on the empty fishbowl on the nightstand. "I tried to get into Anti-Fairy World the same way we went when they kidnapped Poof!"

Timmy choked. "Wait,  _what?_ "

"It was no good. I didn't even make it five feet in. Unless we have Jorgen with us, we don't have clearance, and we're not getting into Anti-Fairy World. And Anti-Cosmo's not getting out of here!"

"Weren't you going to call Jorgen about him?" Timmy asked, though he wasn't sure he liked the idea of just turning the Anti-Fairy over to Jorgen after he'd come here for help. Anti-Cosmo hadn't even done anything to them!

… _Yet_. This time.

Wanda bit her lip. "I  _want_  to, sport, but the trouble is I don't know what Jorgen will do to us for hiding him here. Or what'll happen to Cosmo! But we have to get him out of here  _soon_ , with Friday the 13th in a week. I do  _not_ want him anywhere around us next Friday." Wanda put away the binoculars. "It looks like it's safe. Timmy! You need to get ready for school!"

"That's what I was  _doing_  before you shoved me under the  _bed_ ," Timmy grumbled. He crawled back out into his room and stood up. "Is Anti-Cosmo coming to school with us?"

Wanda pulled herself out from under the bed as well with Poof in her arms, her expression dark. She  _poof!_ ed back into her normal clothes. "He has to, Timmy. He's your— _fairy godparent_ —now." She spat out the words, the very thought of the dark fairy carrying the same title as her clearly leaving a bad taste in her mouth. "He has to stay with you or have a  _really_  good excuse for why he's not there."

Timmy raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't that ever stop you and Cosmo from going off and acting goofy while I was being pummeled by bullies?"

Wanda flared up, her eyes literally burning. "Hey, we've always done our best! And I would appreciate it if you didn't… didn't…" Her voice broke and her eyes welled up with tears. "I— _I'm worried about Cosmo!"_

"Whoa! Hey, I'm sorry!" Timmy said hurriedly. "I'm sure Cosmo's fine. What could possibly have happened to him?"

"Oh, I don't know—he's only been trapped in Anti-Fairy World, in Anti-Cosmo's castle, _all night_ , with no way to come back!" Wanda yelled. "I've been trying to call him for hours but he won't pick up his wand! I—I—" She took in a shuddering breath, visibly attempting to calm herself down. "But you're right. You're right. There isn't much you can do to Cosmo!" She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and slowly lifted into the air once more.

With a sudden little  _pop_ , Anti-Cosmo appeared in the room. He was clutching a steaming cup of tea and wearing a blue linen bathrobe. Where had he even gotten it?

"Good day, fairies, Timothy," he said. He took a sip of tea.

"Oh,  _there_  you are!" Wanda snapped, whirling around. "A fine fairy godparent  _you're_ turning out to be. Timmy's been up for—" She broke off, gawking at his ensemble. "…Did you use my bathroom?!"

Anti-Cosmo lowered his teacup. "Did you expect me to wash up in the fishbowl?"

"Yes—no—I don't know—" Wanda spluttered. She frowned. "Just stay out of my bathroom!"

"Wanda, what's your  _problem?_ " Timmy demanded. "You're already letting him stay in your house! Doesn't the bathroom come with the deal?"

Wanda gestured to the dark fairy. "Don't you remember who he  _is?_ " she replied. "He's staying in my house but I reserve the right to restrict exactly where he can go! He's not just an Anti-Fairy, he's tried to destroy Earth and Fairy World more times than I can count!"

"That's not saying much," Anti-Cosmo muttered, arms crossed over his chest with the teacup balanced carefully in the fingers of one hand. "I'm not going to poison your _shampoo_ , if that's what you're thinking, though the idea is  _extremely_  tempting."

Timmy sighed and jerked his thumb to the hallway. "Look, if Wanda's being a stickler, you can use my bathroom when my parents aren't around."

"Thank you, Timothy." The Anti-Fairy gave him a brief nod, anti- _poof!_ ing himself into his regular outfit and sending the cup of tea away. "Shouldn't you be catching the bus?"

Timmy jumped. He was going to be late!

He flung open his door, dashed across the hall, and ran down the stairs.

"Hey, slow down!" his dad said from the kitchen table.

"You don't want to break your ankle, do you?" his mom added.

Timmy sat down and his mom handed him a plate of… stuff. He assumed it was his breakfast.

"Eat up!" Mrs. Turner cooed.

"…Yeah…" Timmy poked at it with his fork. "I sure wish this was actually appetizing!"

"Well  _I_ wish you would stop complaining and eat your breakfast!" Mrs. Turner sniffed.

Timmy sagged with a groan. So much for fairies always having to be around unless they had a good reason not to. He glanced at the clock and sat bolt upright. "AAHH! I'm going to miss the bus!" He leaped down from his seat, grabbed his backpack and coat, and hurried outside. He'd have to wish for something to eat when he got to school. Provided his fairies ever showed up, of course.

As usual when the fairies weren't around to  _poof!_  him to school, the bus drove by while he was heading down the sidewalk, spraying him with snow. "Hey!" Timmy shouted, wiping the snow out of his eyes and breaking into a run. "Wait! Come back!" He stepped on a patch of ice and his foot flew out from under him, sending him crashing to the ground.

Ugh. He  _hated_  school days. Hated, hated, hated, hated…

A pair of dogs and a little puppy materialized next to him.

"Timmy!" the pink dog cried when she saw her godson on the ground and covered with snow. She raised her wand and Timmy found himself on his feet again, clothes and hair totally dry.

"Thanks, Wanda."

Wanda glared at the other dog, a dark blue one that was sitting a little ways away from her. "We would've been here sooner, but  _he_  didn't know how to figure out where you were with magic and we had to explain it to him!"

"Don't blame  _me_. I've never had a godchild before, remember?" Anti-Cosmo snapped.

"Guys! Don't fight!" Timmy said exasperatedly. All three of the dogs turned their attention to him. "Look, we've gotta act totally normal, right? Otherwise Jorgen'll come down here, see Anti-Cosmo, and then we're all dead."

"Fine, you're right," Wanda sighed. Then she rounded on Anti-Cosmo once again. "But _I'll_  be the one granting any wishes, all right? And I'll be watching you  _very_  closely!"

"Yes, so you've told me," Anti-Cosmo said wearily.

Timmy groaned. At this rate, they were never going to get out of this mess. "I wish I was at school," he said.

The three dogs raised their wands but Wanda glared at Anti-Cosmo and he lowered his with a frown. Less than a second later Timmy was standing on school grounds and Wanda, Poof, and Anti-Cosmo appeared as pens in his pocket. Timmy entered the school, slipped into Mr. Crocker's classroom, and dropped into his seat. "Okay, now you have to stay hidden," he said to the dark blue pen in his pocket.

"I  _know_  that, you dithering dolt," Anti-Cosmo replied. Wanda furrowed her brow and nudged Poof away from him.

"Ah, Turner, decided to join us at last!" Mr. Crocker said from the front of the room. Timmy glanced at the clock on the wall.

"What? School hasn't even started yet!" he protested.

The bell rang.

"And now it has!" Crocker said joyfully. "And so begins another day of your horrible failure! Who wants a pop quiz?!"

A.J. slowly put his hand up. He yanked it down again, sweating, when the looks of the other kids shot daggers at him.

"Pop quiz it is, then!" Crocker ran through the class and dropped a pre-printed quiz on every child's desk. He was pretty spry for an old guy. He ended up back at the front of the room, a few stray quizzes falling from the stack in his hands and oscillating to the ground. "You have five minutes to answer these questions. Now GO!"

Timmy stared at the first question. "'State the Pythagorean Theorem in your own words.' What the heck is the Pythagorean Theorem?"

"Turner! No talking!" Crocker shouted.

Timmy drooped. The Pythagorean Theorem had never even been  _mentioned_  in class. How was he supposed to—?

"The sum of the squares of two legs of a right triangle equal the square of the hypotenuse," a quiet voice said. Timmy jumped.

"What?" he said.

"The Pythagorean Theorem, Timothy," Anti-Cosmo replied. "The sum of the squares of—"

Wanda elbowed him. "Quiet! Crocker'll hear you! And besides, that's cheating!"

"Hey, cheating's fine with me!" Timmy said, scribbling down something about squares and hypotenuses, which he wasn't sure how to spell. "Next question! 'Write the value of pi to one thousand digits.' Anti-Cosmo?"

"Three point one-four-one-five-nine-two-six-five-three-five—"

"Enough!" Wanda shouted. "Timmy, don't write that down! Cheating's not right!" She paused and glanced at Anti-Cosmo. "…Do you  _really_ know pi to a thousand places? What purpose could that possibly serve?"

Timmy was already finished writing out the numbers Anti-Cosmo had listed, and he smiled. "That's not a thousand places but hey, it's already way more than I knew. I could get used to this."

Crocker marched up to his desk. "No talking to your writing utensils! Unless you want me to confiscate them!"

"Then how would I take the quiz?" Timmy retorted, gesturing to the paper on his desk.

Crocker looked uninterested. "That's your problem."

When he went away again Anti-Cosmo looked back down at Timmy's quiz. "The capital of Kansas is Topeka, and Australia is both a country and a continent, as well as an island. No, platypi don't do much, and the fastest animal on Earth is the peregrine falcon, which can reach speeds of over three hundred twenty-two kilometers per hour in its hunting stoop. And everyone knows that eventually the custom of giving out cards and candy on Valentine's Day will be replaced by giving out heart-shaped meat instead. What kind of quiz  _is_  this? The questions are mundane and do not in any way pertain to a specific topic!"

Timmy was writing down the dark fairy's answers when Crocker darted back over to him and yanked his pen from his hands. "Aha! I heard your pen talking! It's not an ordinary pen, it's a FAIRY!" He bounced up in the air when he said the word.

The class, including Timmy and the three disguised fairies in his pocket, just stared blankly at him as he triumphantly waved the perfectly normal pen in their faces.

"Mr. Crocker, I'm pretty sure that's just a pen," A.J. ventured.

"That's where you're wrong!" Crocker leaped over his desk and sank into his chair. He held the pen close to his eye to examine it. "If this  _pen_  isn't a FAIRY, then I'm not a third-rate elementary school teacher!"

No one had a response for that.

"Oh! The quiz!" Crocker realized, looking up from the pen. He pulled out a little box from his desk, dropped the pen into it, and snapped it closed again. "TIME'S UP! Pass your papers forward!"

Ignoring Wanda's disapproving silence, Timmy passed in his paper and sighed with relief. For once he had answered every question on a quiz! And probably right, too! If only Anti-Cosmo could take  _all_  of his tests for him.

* * *

"How could you give him those answers?" Wanda demanded once Timmy had found a seat by himself in the cafeteria and sat down for lunch. Usually he would sit with Chester and A.J. but they were off working on a project Crocker had assigned the other day. A.J. liked to get everything done early.

Wanda and Poof had disguised themselves as milk cartons on Timmy's plate. Anti-Cosmo was some sort of pastry.

"I was simply helping young Timothy," Anti-Cosmo said smugly. "That  _is_  the most important job of a fairy godparent, I understand."

"You're not supposed to help by cheating!" Wanda exploded.

Anti-Cosmo rolled his eyes. "What does it matter? It's not as if that little quiz was important. That crackpot teacher probably writes them in about ten seconds."

Wanda deflated. "Well, I still don't like it," she said.

"Yes, well, cheating is like bread and butter to an Anti-Fairy!" Cosmo's blue counterpart said. "But all that aside. We need to figure out a way to get me back to Anti-Fairy World and get Cosmo back here. I don't want him in my realm any longer!"

Wanda raised an eyebrow. "Your 'realm'?"

Anti-Cosmo sighed wearily. " _Yes_ , Anti-Fairy World is my realm. My domain. What do you expect me to say?"

"I dunno, it's just hard to take you seriously when you look like a cupcake," Timmy said.

"I am a frosted  _scone!_ " Anti-Cosmo snapped. "You people  _still_  have no class."

Wanda, Poof, and Timmy all shared a laugh, while the Anti-Cosmo cupcake sat there looking miffed.

* * *

Cosmo, meanwhile, huddled shivering in the corner of his cell, teeth chattering so loudly that he couldn't hear anything else. If there was anything else to hear. Was there? Probably not. He was alone here. So alone! He had hardly ever been alone in the ten thousand years or so he'd been alive. His mother had always been there, and then there'd been Wanda. She had been with him through everything.

It was dark down here, and cold, and smelly, and dark—oh, wait, he'd said "smelly" twice. No wait. Dark. He'd said  _dark_  twice. Why did it have to be so dark? And quiet? And devoid of Wanda?

The darkness swam in front of his eyes but his hands were too cold to rub them. Maybe he shouldn't be sitting on the chilled, muddy ground. But what else was he supposed to do? Oh, also, he was hungry. He wished he had a hoagie. He wished he had his wand so he could  _poof!_  himself up a hoagie. He wished Foop was down here so he could get his wand back and  _poof!_  up a hoagie. But what was the point of making wishes when you didn't have fairy godparents to grant them?!

…Wait…

"HI!" a loud voice said, and a face suddenly loomed into his. Cosmo shrieked and shot several feet into the air.

From somewhere near the grimy ceiling he looked closer at the person who had broken into his internal ramblings. She was smiling up at him.

"Wanda!" Cosmo cried. He zipped down, pulling her into a tight hug. "You're back! I missed yooouuu!"

But it was strange. This Wanda smell liked chili dogs and she had blue hair. Cosmo let go of her instantly, backing up. " _You're_  not Wanda!"

"Of course not!" the imposter laughed. "Ah'm the Anti-Wanda, doncha remember?"

"Oh yeah?" Cosmo said. "Well I'm Cosmo!" He jabbed his thumb at himself. "And I eat hoagies!"

"Hey, that's dandy! I'm ter bring you somethin' to eat." Anti-Wanda held up her ebony wand and a hoagie popped into existence. Cosmo's mouth watered and he leaped at the sub, stuffing half of it in his mouth. "Anythin' else you need?"

Cosmo swallowed the half of hoagie he had bitten off. "A clean floor? And… a toilet! And a blanket. And a kitten!"

Anti-Wanda's wand sparked and Cosmo's wishes sprang into being. Well, except for the kitten, unfortunately.

Cosmo laughed in delight and landed on the now-pristine floor. "And I need a lifetime supply of hoagies!" He lifted his arms.

"Sorry, don't think I should do that," Anti-Wanda said. "Foop didn't say nothin' about a lifetime supply of anything, the l'il darling. Oh! I need to go check on him!" She disappeared.

Alone again. Cosmo wrapped the blanket around himself and munched on the remaining half of his hoagie. He wished she had given him that kitten. More than anything, he hated to be alone.

* * *

The clanging sound of the brass doorknockers echoed through the castle. Anti-Wanda hurried to the front doors and swung them wide open. "Hey, y'all!" she said.

The lone Anti-Fairy floating above the unwelcome mat looked in confusion both to his left and right, then shrugged. "I need to speak with Anti-Cosmo," he said.

Anti-Wanda subconsciously narrowed the gap that the open door left. "'bout what?" she asked.

The Anti-Fairy looked at her doubtfully. "We found a fairy trying to get into Anti-Fairy World without any sort of clearance. We attacked but they got away, and they were wearing a hood so no one was able to recognize them. Don't you think Anti-Cosmo should know about this?"

Anti-Wanda edged the door even further closed. "Er, he ain't here right now," she said. "I mean, he can't come to th' door. Busy and stuff."

The visitor crossed his arms. "What does he do in there all day, come up with plans for world domination? Who even cares anymore? Some of us have lives to live! Ugh, never mind. Just tell him what I told you. All right? Good day." The Anti-Fairy vanished in a puff of blue smoke. Anti-Wanda slammed the castle door closed. Her Anti-Cozzie probably  _would_  want to hear about the intruder. So where was he?

* * *

"Yes, Father, where are you?" Floating near the locked bookshelves in his parents' room, Foop stroked the odd mustache that grew under his nose even at such a young age. Perhaps his father really had ended up on Earth and Cosmo had appeared here in his place. But if that were the case, wouldn't he have tried to contact them by now? Maybe he'd been captured and thrown into Abracatraz prison to rot.

No, that didn't make sense. Jorgen von Strangle had too large of an ego. If he had finally captured Anti-Cosmo again, it would be all over the fairy news.

Foop folded his arms and pouted. His father was smart. Not as smart as himself, of course, but still smart. It was good to know where he was at all times.

He wondered whether the rest of Anti-Fairy World knew of his father's disappearance. Hopefully not—that would not bode well. But how would they keep it a secret? Especially when his mother was known to happily volunteer information to anyone who asked…

"There ya are!" a familiar, chipper voice said. Anti-Wanda flew into the room and pulled Foop into a tight hug around his middle. "It's time for your nap!"

"Mother! I do not take naps!" Foop pulled away from her. "There are more  _important_ things to do!"

"But yer still just a baby—you need rest!" Anti-Wanda wailed.

"Okay, maybe I'll sleep later," Foop sighed, brushing himself off. "Any word from Father?"

"No!" Losing the cheerful attitude at once, Anti-Wanda broke down into sobs. "I don't know where he is! And I have to tell him somethin'!"

Foop had been heading out of the room but at that he turned and looked back. "Tell him what?"

Anti-Wanda wiped one of her eyes and sniffled. "A fairy tried to get into Anti-Fairy World but then escaped, and no one knows who it was!"

_I'll bet I do_ , Foop thought immediately. His mother's pink counterpart, perhaps? "Mother, will you do me a favor?"

The female Anti-Fairy brightened immediately and clapped her hands in excitement. "Ooh, yes! Yes! Mah baby still needs me! What do you need?"

"Don't tell anyone we have Cosmo as our prisoner," Foop said. He expected his mother to look confused, and ask why, or perhaps even ask who Cosmo was.

To his surprise, she smiled as if she had known all along not to talk about Cosmo. "Aw, of course not, sweetie!" she said, fondly ruffling the two hairs on top of Foop's head. "He's in the dungeon! We  _never_  talk about anyone in the dungeon. Been that way for thousands of years!"

* * *

"These are grave tidings. More consequences of your many, many failures, von Strangle."

Jorgen looked up in surprise at the four cloaked figures sitting above him in high-backed chairs. "Failures? What are you talking about?"

"Exactly what it sounds like! Failures!" The pink-cloaked figure pounded on the table with his fist, the yellow eyes glowing beneath his hood blazing with rage. When Jorgen still looked clueless, the figure in the blue cloak leaned forward.

"Daggone it, Jorgen, the Anti-Fairies!" the figure said. "You managed to keep them all contained for centuries, true, but then a ten-year-old human  _child_  came along and released all of them right from under your nose!"

"He wished them free! What am I supposed to do about a wish?" Jorgen protested.

The blue figure held up a hand to stop him, then gripped the edge of the table tightly. "You managed to recapture them all, sure, but then sometime later the same child came in and set Anti-Cosmo free. Again—right. From. Under. Your. NOSE! Since then Anti-Cosmo has released the rest of the Anti-Fairies, plotted again and again for universal domination and obtaining a godchild, and now  _this!_ "

"Well, it wasn't  _my_  fault this time!" Jorgen said, his tone suggesting that he failed to believe that the rest of Anti-Cosmo's escapes were his fault either. "I came to you as soon as possible!"

"Oh, it's never  _your_  fault, Jorgen von Strangle," the purple-cloaked figure sneered. "You mean well. You're just incompetent, is all."

"I'm sure you didn't come to us as soon as you could," the pink figure drawled. "These matters should be turned over to the Fairy Council directly but you tried to solve this mess on your own, isn't that right? You always do."

"Um," Jorgen said.

"It hardly matters," the turquoise-cloaked fairy, and the only remaining member of the Council, said. "Did you at least get the book?"

"…Book?" Jorgen said, struggling to figure out what they were talking about. He vaguely remembered Anti-Cosmo carrying a book when he had rudely anti- _poof!_ ed into his bathroom. "No. Should I have?"

The four cloaked fairies drew a collective intake of breath and fell to muttering amongst themselves.

The blue-cloaked fairy leaned forward. "Let me get this straight, Jorgen. Anti-Cosmo has a book of unpredictable dark magic that was banned millennia ago, he's somehow managing to appear in Fairy World as he pleases, and you  _have no idea where he is?_ "

"Well, surely he'll be in Anti-Fairy World?" the turquoise-cloaked fairy asked his comrade.

The fairy he was addressing rested his head on his fist. "As long as he is in possession of that book, he could be anywhere. He could be hiding out in Pixie World for all we know."

The purple fairy crossed his arms over his chest and gripped his shoulders. "You know, I thought all of those books were destroyed."

"Obviously the Anti-Fairies managed to hold onto a few copies!" the pink fairy said.

The turquoise fairy spoke up again. "Well, we're not in much danger if he doesn't cast any of the spells—"

"He's already  _cast_ a spell!" the blue fairy growled. " _I_ felt it, didn't you?! The idiot  _cast_ one of the spells. Don't you know what that means? And now time is running short!"

"Anti-Cosmo's not really an idiot—" Jorgen pointed out, but no one paid him any heed and he scowled.

"We need that book!" The blue fairy pounded his fist on the table with enough force to rattle it. "Things  _cannot_  return to how they were in the olden times. With the resurface of the book and dark magic we could all return to how we were before, mischievous vain little creatures that cared nothing for mortal life, hiding out in the forests and leading travelers astray, stealing human children and replacing them with our own for the sick enjoyment of it—"

"Good times," the turquoise fairy muttered.

"Silence!" the blue fairy said. "As I said, we cannot be brought back to that. We've come too far, and Anti-Cosmo must pay for tampering with the balance we've worked for thousands of years to achieve." His head snapped up. "Von Strangle!"

"Yes?" Jorgen said irritably. He had almost thought he'd been forgotten.

"Find the book and Anti-Cosmo and bring them both here. By any means necessary! We will personally declare Anti-Cosmo's sentence to him."

"Yes, Fairy Council," Jorgen said.

"Oh, and Jorgen, how is that  _special_  case going?" the purple-cloaked fairy asked.

"What special case?"

"The godchild Timmy Turner," the purple fairy replied.

Jorgen scoffed. "Special case? How is Turner a special case?"

"Because when there is rule-breaking or something big goes wrong, you can bet it somehow involves Timothy Tiberius Turner!" the pink fairy snapped.

"Turner's got nothing to do with  _this_ ," Jorgen said. "I checked his house straightaway."

"Yesss, before coming to us, in fact. I knew you were lying before." The purple fairy rested his elbows on the table and interlaced his fingers. "Just keep an eye on him. He is the godchild of Anti-Cosmo's counterpart, after all. If any human is involved with this, it'll be him."

"Now go, and speak of this to no one!" the blue fairy said, brandishing dramatically to the large door leading out of the chamber. "And remember, bring the book and Anti-Cosmo. Do  _not_  mess up this time. This meeting of the Council is now dismissed."

He pulled out a gavel and pounded it once on the table, and with that Jorgen was banished from the room in a puff of smoke.

* * *

A/N: The Fairy Council has appeared in one episode only so far. I referenced that episode for their appearances and the sounds of their voices, though it didn't have much bearing on the personalities I gave them, so I hope they're all right.

Also, in case anyone was wondering, these scenarios I've set up are not going to lead to romance.

 


	8. At the Movies

Timmy leaped off the bus and barely stopped before breaking into a run down the sidewalk toward his house. It never truly felt like Friday until that final bell rang at the end of the school day! As soon as he got home he'd be free. He wasn't even deterred by the fact that he'd gotten yet another F on that Abe Lincoln paper he hadn't written.

Hey, he  _would've_  written it, if things the night before hadn't turned so hectic.

It was officially the weekend now and he could make all manner of wishes, and hang out with Chester and A.J., and walk by Trixie's house repeatedly until she noticed him—after they got this whole mess sorted out, of course…

"Careful, Timmy!" a pink cat appeared by his side and kept pace with him. "You don't want to slip again!"

Timmy slowed, looking around at the layer of snow covering everything in the neighborhood. There didn't seem to be anyone else outside. He peered at Wanda. "Where are Poof and Anti-Cosmo?"

"Well, Poof is here," the cat said. She nudged a little violet-colored kitten out from behind her. "And I am _not_  letting him out of my sight. Anti-Cosmo could be who-knows-where."

There was a  _pop_. "I am right  _here,_ " an irritated voice said. Timmy glanced over to see that a navy-blue rat had materialized on his other side.

"Mousie!" the Poof-kitten said in delight, diving toward the Anti-Fairy with his tiny claws extended. Wanda grabbed the scruff of his neck and pulled him back.

"You're not still mad about the cupcake thing, are you?" Timmy asked, keeping an eye on Anti-Cosmo.

The dark fairy's ears twitched. "I was a  _frosted scone_."

Timmy stopped, looking back and forth from his fairies to Cosmo's evil counterpart. "Hey, why can't you turn into the same thing as Wanda and Poof? Why don't you be a cat?"

"I prefer my current form," Anti-Cosmo said, stopping a little ways ahead and frowning back at Timmy over a quivering nose.

Wanda's muzzle stretched in a grin, her sharp teeth glinting. "Of course he does. That's his  _natural_  form!" She burst out laughing.

Timmy started walking again. The trio of magical beings trotted after him, fairies on one side and Anti-Fairy on the other. Anti-Cosmo narrowed his eyes at Wanda. "Oh, yes, now I remember why we hate fairies so much. Your hospitality toward me so far has been so genuine that I'd nearly forgotten."

"Hey, I've been more than hospitable! I gave you a room!" Wanda countered.

The fur around her neck and tail had started to fluff up and her ears were turned backwards. "Um, Wanda, I think he's talking about the fact that you yell at him every time he opens his mouth," Timmy said to her.

Wanda rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. Are you trying to tell me that Mr. Mastermind-of-all-Evil over there can't take a little  _well-deserved_  hostility?"

"Hostility is one thing, but downright rudeness is quite another," Anti-Cosmo said with a sniff, his pointed nose in the air. "You never even made a point to tell me that you're going to sell me out to Jorgen."

Wanda stopped walking and fell behind. When Timmy turned around he saw that she looked flabbergasted. "How did you—?"

"It would have been obvious even if I  _hadn't_  overheard you," Anti-Cosmo said flatly.

Wanda was still for a moment, then she shook her head and jogged to catch up with them. "Well, you're wrong. I guess you weren't eavesdropping—sorry, you didn't 'overhear' me when I said we couldn't risk turning you in after all, so you don't have to worry. Jorgen might blame  _us_  for you being here."

Anti-Cosmo whipped his head up to focus on Timmy, his beady eyes narrowed. "Really? Is this true?"

Timmy nodded. "Yeah, we were talking this morning about it."

The Anti-Fairy's suspicious look morphed into one of surprise and he gazed ahead, apparently lost in thought. Timmy watched him curiously while trying not to be obvious about it. So the guy had seriously been convinced that they were going to turn him in and send him back to prison for a lifetime? And he hadn't done anything to try to stop them? …He'd even come to school with them and given the answers for that quiz?

After a moment Wanda asked why Timmy hadn't just asked them to  _poof!_  him home, instead making the four of them walk through the snow in their respective tennis shoes and bare paws, but Timmy hardly heard her. Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Anti-Cosmo glanced around, hung his head as if in resignation with the ends of his whiskers dragging the ground, then anti- _poof!_ ed into the form of a dark blue cat.

* * *

"When the fluke happened, I was floating at the head of my dining hall table." Anti-Cosmo marked a little _x_  on the piece of paper in front of him. "Anti-Wanda and Foop were in the room as well. I told them to leave, but they most likely didn't listen." He put the pencil down and placed his finger next to the  _x_. "If I ended up in the exact spot where Cosmo was, he almost certainly ended up in that chair where  _I_  was."

Wanda slid the paper out from under his hand and looked it over. It was a highly simplified floor plan of the first floor of Anti-Cosmo's castle. He had only drawn out a few of the rooms—he obviously didn't want them to know too much about his home.

"But it's been a whole day!" Wanda fretted. "Do you think he's still in your castle? Your Anti-Fairy cronies wouldn't have done anything to him, would they?"

Anti-Cosmo didn't reply.

"Well?" Wanda demanded.

"Anti-Wanda is likely to feed him to death, if anything," Anti-Cosmo said. "As for Foop, who knows what that little  _brat_  might have done with him?"

Wanda passed the map back to him. "I thought you were supposed to be polite," she said.

Anti-Cosmo raised an eyebrow. "Yes. Well. My apologies." He picked up the map and rolled it up with a few quick twists of his wrists.

"Guys!" Timmy burst into the room, closing the door again behind him. Wanda, Anti-Cosmo, and Poof—who had flipped upside down and was shaking his magic rattle—all looked up. "Mom and Dad said they're going to take me to a movie in a few minutes!"

"They're taking you with them instead of leaving you with Vicky?" Wanda asked. "That's wonderful, sport!"

"Poof-poof!" baby Poof said. Wanda noticed the state he was in and quickly turned him upright again.

"You guys want to come?" Timmy asked.

Anti-Cosmo cleared his throat. "We were making plans to get me back to Anti-Fairy World," he said.

"Actually we were just looking at a map," Wanda said, glancing at him.

"Can't all that wait 'til tomorrow?" Timmy said. He appealed to Wanda. "My parents never take me to movies! Won't you come, Wanda?  _Please?_ "

"I… guess it would be all right," Wanda conceded. She jabbed her finger at Anti-Cosmo. "But he's not staying here unsupervised!"

"I am not a  _child_ ," Anti-Cosmo said, tapping the rolled-up map with his wand and sending it away with a little  _pop_.

"No, you're just an evil megalomaniac with magical powers!" Wanda shot back.

"Relax, Wanda, he can't do anything unless I wish for it!" Timmy said. He turned to Anti-Cosmo. "So, are you coming? Have you ever even  _been_  to a movie?"

"Of course!" Anti-Cosmo flew up a little higher, taking off his monocle and polishing the lens with the hem of his jacket. "Around fifty years ago, actually. It was some sort of romantic comedy where two men disguised themselves as women and joined an all-female band—not to my tastes, but Anti-Wanda did love it so."

"Fifty years?" Timmy repeated. "Man, you're  _really_  behind the times! Okay. I wish all three of you were normal objects that I could bring into the theater. We're going to the movies!"

The three fairies raised their wands. Wanda became a pink backpack slung on Timmy's back while Poof and Anti-Cosmo transformed into water bottles in her side pockets.

"Wait," Wanda said. "Does this movie have any scary stuff, violence, or romance? If it does then I'm taking Poof out of the theater!"

"I don't know," Timmy said. "Mom and Dad just said it's a movie." He paused. "If there's romance in it can you take me out, too?"

"What a waste of time," Anti-Cosmo muttered. While Wanda wouldn't admit it out loud, she had to agree with him. Then again, it wasn't often that they got to go to the movies, and it was rarer still for Timmy to have the opportunity to go with his parents. Maybe they could just go along for the ride and then figure out a plan later.

Timmy left the room, taking the stairs down to the entryway two at a time.

"There he is!" Mrs. Turner said when she caught sight of him. She and Timmy's dad were standing by the front door, bundled up in their coats and scarves. "Come on, Timmy, the movie starts in a few minutes!"

"Yeah! I can't believe you guys are taking me to a movie with you!" Timmy grabbed his own coat, setting Wanda down for a second while he shrugged into it and then picking her up again, hurrying outside. The sky was overcast and tinged with the rich yellows and oranges of the setting sun. A few snowflakes drifted down and caught in their hats and hair. All three Turners piled into the brown family station wagon parked in the driveway and started off, Mr. Turner driving as usual and Timmy alone in the backseat.

"I wish I had my Game Boy," he said quietly. Wanda raised her wand and  _poof!_ ed the game system into his hands. As soon as she heard the sounds of him pressing buttons and the  _beeps_  coming from the game she  _poof!_ ed into the form of a little digital character onscreen looking out at him. "Timmy, this isn't going to take too long, is it?"

"Wanda, I can't beat the level if you're in it!" Timmy said. "And I dunno, I guess it'll be a couple hours. Why?"

"Because we have to get Cosmo back and get Anti-Cosmo  _out_  of here, you idiot!" Wanda said. She crossed her arms. "And the sooner we do that, the better."

"Yeah, yeah," Timmy said. "Now I wish you were out of my game."

"Here we are!" Mrs. Turner said a few minutes later when they reached the theater. Timmy stowed his game under the seat and they all got out of the car. They made their way to the front of the theater and Timmy's dad nodded to the guy selling tickets, then they all went straight inside. Without paying. Wanda raised an eyebrow.

While not immediately apparent from the outside, the inside of the theater was packed with adults and children alike. The noise was deafening.

"Is this place usually this crowded?" Wanda said, though Timmy didn't hear her.

"What movie are we going to see?" Timmy asked his parents. He had to shout to make himself heard.

Mr. Turner laughed like that was a stupid question. "You're not going to see it! Only your mom and me!"

Timmy skidded to a stop. " _What?_ "

"It's 'Bring your kid, get in free' night!" Mrs. Turner said, pointing at a poster on the wall which said exactly that. "See all the kids here? Going to the movies is expensive, Timmy, and we don't get to do it very often." She dropped a coin into his hand. "Here's a quarter! Go have fun playing games!"

There were a few shabby-looking arcade games set up around the room. Every one of them was taken by a kid whose parents had probably pulled the same scam that Timmy's just had.

Timmy pointed at the coin his mother had given him. "How am I supposed to play any games with just one quarter?"

His parents had already vanished into the crowd. Timmy scuffed his foot against the ground. "This stinks!"

"Aw, Timmy, you can still have fun while your parents are gone," Wanda said. "At least Vicky's not here!"

"Yeah…" Timmy said in a tone that Wanda didn't like at all, his eyes lighting up with a new idea. "… _No_ one's here." He paused. "Well, there's a bunch of people here, but no one who'd care about what I'd be doing for two hours."

"Whatever you're thinking, Timothy, do it quickly," Anti-Cosmo said. "I think little Fauntleroy over there needs a  _change_."

Timmy stared down at the blue water bottle. "His name's Poof."

Wanda sniffed the air. "But he's right! Sorry, Timmy, I have to go change Poof. I'll be right back."

"No, wait," Timmy said. "I wish Poof was changed and clean. There."

There was a little  _pop_  and Poof giggled, the foul smell hanging in the air having disappeared. Wanda furrowed her brow.

"Why haven't you ever done  _that_  for us before?" she asked. "We've had to run our wings off trying to get Poof changed!"

"Clearly something is wrong with his gastro-intestinal system," Anti-Cosmo said, still gagging. "What in the name of spider silk are you  _feeding_  that child?"

"Hey, you stay out of this!" Wanda said.

"All right. Now," Timmy said, ignoring their bickering, "I wish we were in the theater showing 'Vampire Fangs: The Werewolf's Revenge'!"

" _Timmy!_ " Wanda, shocked, disappeared (dropping the Poof and Anti-Cosmo water bottles to the ground), and reappeared as a little marker-drawn image on the back of Timmy's hand. "That was voted as the scariest, most gruesome movie of the year!" She scowled. "I know because last week you looked up one of the previews with Cosmo. He had to spend the next three nights with a nightlight!"

"Doesn't he do that anyway?" Anti-Cosmo said from the ground.

"No!" Wanda said. "Timmy, if you go see that movie, I'll have to take Poof out of there. And then you'll be stuck with Anti-Cosmo."

The Anti-Fairy appeared on Timmy's hand as well. "I have no intention of watching a gory horror movie," he said.

" _You_  don't like  _horror?_ " Timmy brought his hand closer to his gaze, peering at Anti-Cosmo.

Giggling, Poof popped up on his hand too, and Wanda quickly pulled him closer to her.

"I don't like excessive  _gore_. It is nothing but senseless violence, Timothy." Anti-Cosmo rubbed his finger along the star tip of his pitch-black wand. "I  _do_  enjoy horror, but the psychological kind that affects your mind more than your gag reflex." He smiled, baring his miniscule marker-drawn fangs. "Anti-Fairies would be able to create the best psychological horror films in the universe! Unfortunately we have not had much of a chance."

"Yeah, that's great," Timmy said, looking back at Wanda. "But come on, my parents brought me here to see a movie, so I'm going to see one! I wish I was in the theater for the super-scary, gratuitously gory vampire movie!"

Reluctantly, all three fairies (well, two fairies plus one Anti-Fairy) raised their wands and complied with the ten-year-old's ill-advised wish.

* * *

Jorgen von Strangle  _poof!_ ed into Timmy Turner's bedroom for the second time in twenty-four hours.

He'd always hated using the word " _poof!_ " to describe his own teleportation from place to place. It wasn't manly.  _At all_. And instead of a wimpy cloud of smoke to mark his arrival or departure, he appeared in a giant fiery inferno that had taken him ages to get right, for crying out loud. A much better word would be something like "EXPLODED," but that sounded like they'd end up finding bits of him all over the carpet. Whatever. It was a matter he'd been wrestling with for millennia and would probably continue to debate for millennia to come.

He looked around the room but Turner wasn't there. Where did human children go on Friday evenings? He was probably off gallivanting with his fairies and causing trouble, as usual. Jorgen grumbled something unintelligible and waited a few more minutes for Turner to show up, but he didn't, and Jorgen didn't dare check the rest of the house with the risk of bumping into the kid's moronic parents.

So, well. Great. Nice to know that coming here again was a waste—He had even taken the time to make flyers! Ach, whatever. Again. He had an Anti-Fairy search to undertake; no sense waiting around here any longer. He sent one of the flyers into Cosmo and Wanda's mailbox and  _EXPLODED_  out of the house.

Much better word.

* * *

"Fairy World is reporting that Anti-Cosmo has appeared there multiple times! In different places! All last night!"

Foop held the old phone about a foot away from his ear. "Come again?"

"It's all over—well, everything! All the media!" The Anti-Fairy on the other end was of the excitable sort. Foop had an instant disliking for him. "The fairies are wondering what it means and how he got into Fairy World. Frankly, a lot of us are wondering the same thing. What's going on over there, Anti-Poof, huh?"

"That's classified!" Foop said. "And my name's Foop!" He slammed the phone down on its receiver and crossed his arms, glaring down at it. "Huh, I would have thought that Father had cut all connections with Fairy World programming for our Anti-Fairy subjects. Well, if he didn't, then I shall! It's all just irritating propaganda anyhow."

He  _poof!_ ed into the living room. While there wasn't much furniture in the large room, there was a small television—one of the few pieces of modern technology in the castle other than the telephone and, well, the jet—and a large chair facing it. Foop hovered over the chair and switched on the telly, turning it to FNN, the news network from Fairy World. Sure enough that idiot blond-haired reporter "Fairy Hart" was going on about how Anti-Cosmo's multiple appearances in Fairy World indicated an Anti-Fairy uprising. She made it sound like the end of the universe was nigh.

Foop rolled his eyes. His father wasn't  _that_  important.

* * *

"IIIEEEAAAHHH!" Timmy screamed. He squirmed in the movie theater seat and his hands flew up to cover his eyes, though he parted his first and second fingers to peer through them. "Too scary! But I have to watch!"

Anti-Cosmo, disguised as the giant cup of Root Beer in the seat's cup holder, glared at the movie screen. "This acting is atrocious."

"AAHH!"

"Quiet down there!" someone at the back of the theater shouted. Timmy gnawed on his fingernails and kept his gaze locked on the screen, eyes big as dinner plates.

"Look, Turner, this rubbish is a disgrace to filmmaking," Anti-Cosmo scoffed. "Why don't you make a wish to get us—or, at least,  _me_ —out of this theater."

"Can't. Must find out what happens." Timmy took a handful of popcorn from the container in his lap and scooped it into his mouth.

"You  _know_  what happens! This plotline is as one-dimensional and predictable as Cosmo! If I wanted to I could tell you everyone who's going to  _die_ —but I never bothered to learn the characters' names."

"Shut up! I can't hear the chainsaws!" someone else yelled.

"Werewolves with chainsaws! This is so awesome!" Timmy cheered.

"They're  _fake_ ," Anti-Cosmo said flatly. Timmy tossed a popcorn kernel at him and it bounced off his monocle.

* * *

"All right, you're going to help Mommy look for Daddy while Timmy watches the scary movie!" Wanda said, bobbing slowly up and down in the air outside the room in which she had allowed Anti-Cosmo to stay. The fact that she had left Timmy alone with the Anti-Fairy nagged at her, but hopefully he would be all right without her for a while. Besides, it was his own fault for wanting to watch the stupid movie.

"Poof!" Poof said. Wanda smiled at him. His little "poof"s were the most adorable thing. But… she  _did_  hope that soon he would actually start saying more than just his name.

Wanda opened the bedroom door and her mood deflated as entirely as if the sight of the room had sucked it out of her. She had searched around in it last night before taking Poof out to spend the night with Timmy, but this was her first time seeing it with the lights on. Everything was black and blue. Anti-Cosmo had clearly done some redecorating—in  _her_  house. Had she told him he could do that? Was she insane?

Wanda flew inside, followed closely by Poof, scrutinizing every inch of the space. Well… nothing seemed _too_ unusual in here. At least the Anti-Fairy hadn't decided to hang a variety of medieval torture instruments on the walls. Why had she decided to come in here, anyway? She needed to find a way to get to Cosmo, not—

Wait, the book. Anti-Cosmo had been holding a book last night. Where was it now? Now that she didn't have to worry about waking a sleeping Anti-Fairy while she snooped, she could search more thoroughly. Wanda darted over to the obvious hiding place, the bookcase, and scanned the title of each book resting on it. Nope, these were all hers except the two picture books at the bottom. Those were either Poof's or Cosmo's.

She looked behind the curtains, under the bed pillows and covers, in the closet, and dropped down to the ground to check under the bed, nightstand, and bookshelf, but there was nothing.

"Well what did he do with that book?" Wanda demanded, hands on her hips.

"Hide 'n seek," Poof said. He had taken one of the picture books off the shelf and turned it to a random page.

Wanda flew over to him and twirled her finger in his one strand of hair. "If I can't find that book, sweetie, I'm all outta leads! You really can't get into Anti-Fairy World without Jorgen, but there's no way we can tell him about this!"

It was Anti-Cosmo's fault. Whatever  _flub_  had happened to make him and Cosmo switch places, if the Anti-Fairy wasn't around, Wanda would easily be able to get Jorgen's help! But Anti-Cosmo  _was_ here, and Wanda and Timmy had let him stay without telling Jorgen. Oh… if the oversized fairy ever found out about that, they were  _so_  dead.

But, anyway. There was nothing in here. Anti-Cosmo must still somehow have had the book with him, or he'd hidden it somewhere else.

"Come on, Poof, we should go," Wanda said. She flew back to the doorway and raised her wand, returning the room to the way she had found it, then took Poof by the hand and went out into the hall, closing the door behind them. They passed through the lobby and then out the front door into the fishbowl, transforming into goldfish as they went. The mailbox just outside caught Wanda's eye and she let go of Poof, heading toward the mailbox with a flip of her tail. Sitting in it was a piece of paper rolled up and secured with a rubber band. Swimming over and taking it in her fin, she  _poof!_ ed into Timmy's empty room and unrolled it.

She jumped in surprise. Leering out at her was none other than Anti-Cosmo—it was a Wanted poster with his picture taking up nearly the entire page.

Well! This just kept getting better and better.

* * *

He rapped three times on the fuchsia, heart-shaped door, then once more for good measure. As usual, he avoided the doorbell. It always blasted the annoying chorus of some top-rated love song.

The door swung open and a pink-haired, angel-winged fairy in a diaper leaned out, beaming. "Welcome to the House of Lov—!" His smile cracked and abruptly faded at the sight of his visitor. "Oh, it's you."

"Hello, Cupid," Jorgen said gruffly. "Do you have a minute? We're looking for someone."

Cupid glanced about, then looked back at Jorgen. "'We'?"

"He means me!" Binky, the puny bald fairy who constantly got in everyone's way, appeared over Jorgen's shoulder and waved.

"Oh, hi, Binky," Cupid said with a dismissive wave back. "Now what do you want? I'm very busy today, Buster! Look at the time!" He jabbed his finger down a couple times on his watchless wrist.

Jorgen unfurled one of his flyers and held it up. "Have you seen this Anti-Fairy?"

"Not  _recently_ , no," Cupid said, one hand on the door in order to snap it closed as soon as possible.

Jorgen perked up. "Recently! Aha!" He swung his enormous wand around and pointed the star tip at Cupid, who hurriedly backed up a few wingbeats with his palms out in a defensive gesture. "So you  _do_  know something!"

"What? No!" Cupid cried.

"I'm looking for Anti-Cosmo and this book!" Jorgen shouldered the wand and brought out a new flyer, this one showing the spellbook, and shoved it in the love fairy's face.

Cupid took the flier and looked over it, befuddled. "You made Wanted posters for a book?"

" _No_ , I only made  _one!_ " Jorgen snatched the flyer back. "I need to find Anti-Cosmo and this book. Now where are they?!"

"What makes you think they'd be here?" Cupid demanded, his hands on his hips.

"I've looked everywhere else." Jorgen glanced off to the side.

Cupid rose a few feet in the air. "Oh,  _well_  then, I'll just go and fetch Anti-Cosmo and his magic book from where they're hiding in my toaster! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go prepare for Valentine's Day or something!" He slammed the door in Jorgen's face.

"It's January!" Jorgen shouted through the door.

"Isn't he the love god? He's not very loving," Binky noted.

Jorgen scowled. "Write him on our list of suspects."

At once, Binky whipped out a notepad and pen. "You mean along with Mama Cosma, Timmy Turner, and that guy who threw his show at your head?"

"Yes, add them all," Jorgen said. " _Someone_  has to be hiding information about all this. We will have to keep an eye on all of them. Binky! I need you to keep a watch on Cupid and, if Anti-Cosmo really isn't there, spy on Timmy Turner. The Anti-Fairy cannot hide forever!" He turned and marched off down the lilac, serpentine walk that led from the streets of Fairy World to Cupid's door.

"Wait," Binky said, zipping around to face Jorgen. "How do you know he isn't still in Anti-Fairy World? Why would he be anywhere else?"

"Anti-Cosmo is  _always_  trying to break out!" Jorgen swung the wand around to point at Binky. "Always trying to break the rules!"

Binky shrieked and cowered away.

"But, ah, you are right," Jorgen said. He slammed the handle of his wand into the ground. "FINE! I will go to Anti-Fairy World and see if Anti-Cosmo is there! The hunt is on!" He raised his wand above his head and vanished in an explosion.

"Hey! Wait!" Binky said. "Wait for me!" And he  _poof!_ ed away, as well.

 


End file.
